Truth or Dare

Ok, what is it about us endurance athletes that makes us mentally incapable of turning down a challenge?!?!  I mean seriously!  If I keep up at this pace, I'm going either going to be racing every single weekend for the next year, or I'm going to end up in jail (hey, a dares a dare, and I just can't say no to a dare or a challenge...knowing some of my friends and our wicked senses of humor, jail may not be that far fetched!). Good thing my running group is heavily loaded with lawyers and judges...it's good to know people!

Up until I started this endurance adventure 4+ years ago, I had no idea that I had a single competitive bone in my body.  I was simply very content going through my life taking group aerobics classes at my gym, logging a few miles on the treadmill, beating the hell out of a boxing bag and running the occasional 5k...I was blissfully unaware that another world existed and was waiting for me to come crashing through it's atmosphere.  So how is it exactly that I got here?!?!  To this place where I find myself in this alternate universe full of amazing friends who are Ironman finishers, and marathon runners, and semi professional cyclists?!?! 

Thinking back, it started with simple game of truth or dare (while drinking Black Velvet with marshmallows...can you see where this is going?, yeah me too...no good can come of this).  I don't remember what the "truth" question was posed by my best friend's husband (the one with the REALLY randy sense of humor...something about the BV and marshmallows also tends to cloud the judgement AND memory), but the dare seemed absolutely retarded at the time, run a 20K (12.4 miles) with him in less than 4 weeks.  I was all in for taking my chances with the "truth", until he said these 4 words..."unless you're too chicken"!  Oh no he didn't!!!!  Then, they were strategically followed with..."I don't think you can anyway, you're just a girl who does step class, you can't run."  Hook...line...and sinker!  Son of a bitch...I was phucked!  I got online and signed up that night...$65 later and there was absolutely no way I was backing out.  (Note: anyone who's ever run any significant distance knows that you can't, or shouldn't, go from running 3 miles to 12.4 miles in less than 4 weeks.  This is a very very...did I say very?!?!...very bad idea!!!!) 

Well, I survived!!  It was painful, but I did it.  Then my best friend's husband looked at me, not even 5 minutes after crossing the finish line and said..."great job kid, now let's see you try a triathlon, unless you're too chicken".  Son of a bitch!  And just as I'm about to punch him in the arm, he follows quickly with..."that's ok, forget I said anything, you couldn't handle the swim or the training involved".  Mother f-er!  Here we go again! 

Side note: I think there should be an immediate amendment to the BFF code to states that all best friends get to approve, disapprove, or veto the potential spousal choices of their BFF's...just a suggestion!  (Just kidding J, you know I love you and I wouldn't be half the person I am today without your influence in my life!!!  Thank you for being you, for being my friend, and for being a Schaben! :))

By the end of that summer there was no looking back!  I had crash landed into this parallel universe and I was loving every single minute of it.  The moment I crossed the finish line of my first sprint tri with cowbells ringing in the background, all I could think was...OMG, when can I do that again?!?!  I don't think I was feeling overly competitive that day, I finished 5th from last, but the point is that I finished.  The next year I got a little better, and the challenges got a little bigger.  Then I hooked up with the most amazing running group this side of the Mississippi, Team Vardo, and the whole universe exploded with possibilities...the dares and the challenges haven't stopped!  Who knew there were so many options available for endurance junkies.  (Yes, I said junkie.  I'm an addict, deal with it.  I do!) 

Now, here I am, 4+ years later...one marathon, a half dozen or so half marathons, part of RAGBRAI (will be amended this year to a full RAGBRAI) and a whole lot of tri's under my feet.  The adventures, challenges and dares never seem to end...I'm pretty sure I don't want them too either!  Next year I'm thinking of adding a little Cyclo Cross and XTERRA to the mix, just for the hell of it...anyone want to dare me to?! LOL  ( BIG BIG thank you Team Vardo, and TDR!!...TDR, I think I've decided that you are potentially going to be the death of me, bunch of bad influences, but I'm sure going to have a good time with you guys along the way!! :))

My mom asked me once when I planned to rest, I told her I can rest when I'm dead, until then there is ________  (insert event of the week/month/year) to train for.  You all are welcome to come train with me too...unless you're too chicken :).


An amendment to the 2011 Race Calendar:  (the following events have been added...thanks TDR! :))

• Omaha 9 Mile Off Road Race (AKA - LHF on crack apparently!...sweet!) - Spring/TBA
• Relay Iowa (relay run across the state) - June-ish

Quote of the Day

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr. Suess

Holy shit, this fits me to a T!!!!  As most of my friends can agree.  I'm kind of known for being stupidly brutally honest, saying whatever I feel most of the time and in general wearing my heart on my sleeve 98.75% of the time.  I've spent a good portion of the past year analyzing it and trying to change it, but I think I've finally figured out that maybe I don't want to change it.  This is who I am, it's who I've always been, and it's part of what make me "me".  I'm ok with it.  I like me just the way I am, and those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.  Yep, I'm 35 years old and still loving the lessons of Dr. Suess!  Thanks Doc!

Sign language..."you're #1", or not!

Sitting at my desk yesterday, getting a lot of work accomplished for a Wednesday, and I see the dreaded email appear in my inbox.  The principal at my son's elementary school just wanted to let me know that JP had been using a sort of sign language in the lunchroom that they consider inappropriate.  He was apparently trying to tell his friends that they are #1 in his book, only he was using the wrong finger.  That's right, the kid gave the entire elementary lunch room, including a few of his "favorite" (or not) teachers the bird!!  WTH!!!  (However, when asked what it meant, he could not tell them...he had no idea what he was doing other than waving around a finger for all to see.)

Several different trains of though suddenly enter my brain.  1) Oh shit, how am I going to address this one.  2) Where the phuck did he learn about the middle finger.  3) Mother F-er, I've now got to forward this information on to my ex husband...get ready for WW6.  4) Laughter!...I mean come on, it's a 7+ year old giving the middle finger, at least we've graduated from poop humor.  5) I totally remember the day I discovered the middle finger in elementary school...we thought it was so cool, hard to believe my little boy is growing up so fast.  6) At least he seems to have no idea what it means.  7) see number 1. 

I know, I know...I'm about as potty mouthed as they come, so he must have picked it up at home, right?!  I actually disagree.  The irony here is that for as much as I let my sailor mouth fly on here, I turn my filter on high alert whenever my boy is arround.  And when it comes to the bird, I actually find it pretty generic and unimaginative myself, I prefer to go with the Friends backwards double fist bump...much more creative in my opinion.  (If you don't know what Friends is, then you're too young to be reading this blog.)  Plus, I'm a single girl so meeting people by giving the bird...not the best impression I want to make.  You never really know who is in that car that just cut you off now do you?!?!  Nope...you just never know, it could be a great friend who you just haven't had the opportunity to meet yet (even if they are texting and driving while trying not to spill their morning Starbucks...mmmm, Starbucks!...here's a tip for anyone interested, I loves me some Starbucks, just sayin' :)). 

So, how does a PT single mom handle this one?!?!  Crap!  I have no idea...I'm learning this shit on the fly half the time.  Parenting in my experience so far is pretty much a trial by fire adventure.  I mean I'm a PT single mom to a 7+ year old boy.  I've heard everyone say "boys will be boys", but I've never been a boy so I can't fully relate. 

In the end I've decided to not make a big deal out of it.  (You can disagree with me all you want, but this is how I've chosen to handle it.)  One look at his face and the tears that welled up in his eyes when I asked simply "so how was lunch today" and I knew he got it.  In the car on the way home from school we talked about how it is one of the meanest things you can say to someone in sign language and what it means when we hurt other peoples feelings.  Then, by the time we got home six blocks later, the discussion was over and we were moving on to what's for dinner.  I'm hoping that by not making a big deal out of this time around, it will become less of a temptation because it won't be seen as "forbidden", just really really mean, and JP hates when people are mean or unfair (the ADHD in him makes him obsessed with being fair and following the rules). 

I hope I've done the right thing here, but I really don't know.  Only time will tell.  Luckily, the more we stumble along this PT single parent path together the more we learn about each other, and the better equipped I become to handle these situations as they come up.  I may not be the perfect mom all the time, but I'm learning that that's ok.  Perfect moms are boring, and I am anything but. 

Good Morning ADHD

My incredibly spirited young son has been as extremely ADHD as they come for as long as I can remember.  Living with a child with ADHD is nothing short of a daily chaotic adventure.  It's sometimes (always!) an organizational nightmare.  Oh, I've read all the books and articles about how to keep your ADHD child organized.  I even posted some of the best one's on the fridge like a fine piece of artwork for easy reference.  Guess what?...they look pretty on paper, but try implementing even one organizational routine with a ADHD child.  Go ahead, try it...then get back to me and let me know how that worked out.  I'm betting, not so good.  The ideas make complete sense on paper, but in reality...FAIL! 

What someone needs to say is simply that living with an ADHD child is like living with a giant curious toddler or a new puppy.  This is by no means an insult, it's purely a fact.  They have to be watched at all times, or literally all hell may actually break loose (I've seen it with my own eyes).  There is no impulse control switch in their brains that can be turned off.  Personal boundaries, and privacy...just not an option.  A shut door means nothing to an ADHD child.  Knocking is just a suggestion instead of a rule (as if it would make a difference either way), and no matter what happens it's never their fault (in their eyes), and no amount of reasoning or explaining will change their mind.  "But MOM, it was an accident"...the famous last words spoken most mornings by my ADHD boy, usually as I pick up the second bowl of cereal that has been flung onto the floor like a top because he was using the spoon as a lever to spin the bowl around and around in circles.  Everything takes 3 times as long as normal or necessary when you live with an ADHD child and mornings are usually the worst. 

Just this morning, after being tired of running late (the norm for most ADHD families) again yesterday for the 100th time, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I had the perfect idea.  I would be up and out of the shower before my bundle of energy rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed at 7.  Remember the road to hell and it's good intentions?  Well, that same road is also an all access express lane on the ADHD turnpike, because children that are so easily distracted are also not good sleepers (AT ALL!!!...my son is 7 and still does not sleep through the night, he never has and probably never will). 

The moment I turned the bathroom light on at 6:30, he was up and in the bathroom with me twirling circles while looking at the ceiling while simultaneously opening every drawer in the bathroom.  (One benefit of ADHD, the ability to multi task!)  "Hi mom...whatcha doing?...I'm hungry...Do I have to do my homework right now?...Can you come see the cool lego thing I made?...Owww, I hit my funny bone on the door...I need a hug...Can I have breakfast now?...What day is today?...Is it a school day?...I'll do my homework tomorrow...Do you think Sponge Bob is funny?...I do...Did you know that next week is my birthday?...I'm at my dad's on my birthday so can I have my presents now?...Yesterday was supposed to be pajama day at school, but you forgot, can I wear pajamas today?...What about snow pants, can I wear snow pants instead of normal pants?...Hey, what's for breakfast?...Can I watch TV?...Will you come downstairs with me, I don't want to be down there alone because I'm scared...Remember Mom, school starts at 8:25, so you better hurry up and get in the shower and get ready because according to my clock it's now 6:49...Can you make me breakfast now?...I have to pee...I accidentally pee'd on the floor". 

So much for a few moments of peace and quiet to shower and get the laundry switched and the dishes done before the kid wakes up.  Did I mention that ADHD kids are also often high anxiety, and need to have almost constant interaction?  Yeah, well they are.  At least mine is!  He is my constant shadow, where I go he goes.  If I am trying to dry my hair in the bathroom, he is climbing on the counter and sink blocking the mirror so that I have to pay complete attention to him and the lego inspired story he is trying to tell me.  If I'm trying to get dressed in my bedroom, he's in there with me pulling all the comforters and sheets off my bed (for no reason other than they are there) or digging through my closest for some buried treasure (either a shoe that fascinates him or a dust bunny...because there is nothing too darn exciting for him to find in my closet, but he tries anyway).  If I'm trying to make breakfast, he's turning the knobs on the oven on and off and on and off, and playing with the buttons on the microwave and sticking a spoon or a finger or a nose in whatever I'm making....while turning circles and looking at the ceiling (I'm envious of his multi tasking skills).    

By the time I got him settled in with a bowl of scrambled eggs and his homework, I was officially late getting into the shower, AGAIN!  And even then, the questions do not stop.  Washing my hair, I hear his feet on the stairway.  "Mom, where are you?...Oww, I stubbed my toe...Can I have a hug?...Mom, where is lego Squidy?...Hey, I have an idea lets listen to the Chipmunks Christmas?...Mom, can I wear my baseball pants and socks to school today?...When can we open my birthday presents, since you won't see me on my birthday?...I need you to help me with my homework...Do we have a pencil sharpener?...Never mind I found one in my backpack."   Oh crap, not the backpack!!  Please don't touch the backpack...too late! 

I've been packing the kids backpack at night before school for as long as I can remember so that he has everything he needs ready to go to get off to a successful start in the morning (and in an attempt to make the morning routine run more smoothly and less hectic).  Only, do you know usually happens with said backpack...it gets unpacked in the less than 10 minutes it takes me to shower in the morning or the less than 5 minutes it takes to make breakfast.  Most mornings the backpack is packed and repacked a minimum of 3 times, the contents being scattered all over our 1000 sq ft home in less than a minute.  Homework and library books end up at opposite ends of the house, and notes from the teacher seem to fall into a mysterious black hole.  Often, as I'm repacking the important items, he's taking them out to show me something amazing at the exact same time (usually a rock or silly band that he found on the playground).  It's a never ending cycle of packing and unpacking and repacking again some days.  Then the most amazing thing happens, for as excited as he is to continue to unpack it and dig through the darn thing at home, for some reason it never seems to get unpacked at school  So the homework that should have been turned in yesterday, or today, or even last week, sits there in one of his many Friday folders waiting patiently to be turned in.  

Twenty minutes later (the approximate time it took me to shower, get dressed, and brush my teeth) I emerge from the bathroom and it looks like an F5 tornado has hit my living room.  There are pajama's in the middle of the floor, legos scattered over every table surface, homework has been turned into a paper airplane and an origami Yoda, and the basket of clean laundry waiting patiently for me to fold it has been tipped over and the contents (like the backpack) scattered all over the house.  The kid is at least dressed (in his baseball uniform...I decide to say nothing, I'm too tired already to battle it today), and his homework is done (just very creatively folded...good thing the teacher has a sense of humor).  Now we just need to find the shoes, pack my lunch, switch loads of laundry, dry my hair and get out the door.  OMG, we may actually make it on time today...maybe...

The shoes, oh shit...where the hell are the shoes?!?!  The shoes that were laid right by the door last night for easy access when it's time to go in the morning...yep, no where to be found.  Sometime between breakfast and my shower, the kids shoes have become flying spaceships for his Star Wars characters and are now somewhere between the door, the bathroom, his room, my room, the living room or the kitchen.  Neither one of us really knows where they went for sure, and unlike the remote for the TV they don't have a handy dandy "locate" button, so the hunt is on, like always at the very last minute of the morning to find a matching pair of shoes.  Ten minutes later, I hear JP yell "found them"...GREAT, now hurry up put them on your feet (instead of your hands!) and get in the car, because school starts in 5 minutes and we're officially late, AGAIN!  UGH!

I read somewhere once that having a child with ADHD makes the parent ADHD by proxy.  It must be true because I'm halfway to work before I realize that in the chaos of the morning, I've left my lunch and phone at home.  Good grief!!  And so, it's back to the drawing board I go.  I'm determined to figure out a way to master these mornings, however, for as chaotic as they are, I wouldn't trade them for the world. 

Possible New Addiction...OH SHIT!

What do you get when you cross breed a love of off road biking and running with a severe addiction to racing triathlons?  Check it out...
http://www.usatriathlon.org/resources/multisport-zone/my-story/the-call-of-the-wild

It's called XTERRA, and after reading this story, I have to say I'm intrigued...ok, honestly, I'm a little more than intrigued.  I'm whatever would be more than intrigued but just slightly less than officially committed and obsessed (yet!).  I'm not going to lie, I did look up the possibility of an XTERRA type race happening in my area (state)...assuming that there would not be one and this new found possible obsession would pass quickly.  Not so much!!!  Turns out there IS an XTERRA race in my state...SWEET (oh shit!)!!! 

Hello Sugar Bottom, you spicy little tri!  Ok, maybe little is a bit of an understatement.  It is a full Olympic Distance off road triathlon...pretty sure it's harder than Whaletown (the hardest damn Olympic tri I ever did) ever hoped to be!  I'm generally a big fan of the Olympic distance, it's enough of a push to require some serious training, but not so time consuming as when I attempted my last Half IM (something that I've vowed to myself to repeat this year...oh shit!). 

So, the question is now, do I do it?!?!  Do I take the plunge on probably one of the hardest races I'll ever do?!?!  A race that will most likely fall a day after finishing my first full week of RAGBRAI and a mere two weeks before my A race of the 2011 season, the Pigman Long Tri (half IM distance)?!?!  And why the hell did this article appear out of thin air on the day when I've been required by my coach to plan out my entire 2011 season???  Oh the indecision, the pressure, the excitement?!?! 

I kinda say "why not"...I want to continue to live the no fear life and so "why the hell not"???  What do I have to lose really?...besides maybe a few limbs, my dignity, and a lot of time spent training??  Heck when I put it like that, it's not so bad...is it?!?! LOL 

Oh shit, and the addiction continues...

For now, my new friend Sugar Bottom, you are penciled in, in italics, onto my 2011 Race Calender.  Here's what the rest of the year looks like:

• Cowtown Half Marathon - February 26
• Dam 2 Dam 12.4 - June 4
• Hope Run 10K - TBA
• Midnight Madness 10K - July 9
• Cornman Tri - July 10
• Okoboji Tri - July 16
• RAGBRAI - July 24-30
• Sugar Bottom - TBA
• Big Pig Tri - August 21
• Hickory Grove Tri - August 28

(Holy Shit, it's a good thing I picked up a couple extra jobs...this is going to be one expensive year, but like us crazy runner's/triathletes are know for saying "it's cheaper than therapy" :))

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~ Albert Einstein

Love this quote...LOVE LOVE LOVE it!  How many times in my life have I (or the world in general) continued to repeat history in an attempt to find something new or hope to discover a different outcome?!?!  Too many to count.  It's time to either accept things as they are, or make a change to inspire different results. 

More thoughts on PT parenting

Ok, I'm not going to lie, this totally blows!  This whole PT single parent thing...sucks royal donkey ass.  I'm sorry, but sometimes I just have to be real here, and this is as real as it gets. 

Now, I realize that most courts consider a 50-50 shared custody arrangement the most fair thing for the adults involved in this situation, but I have to wonder if it's really fair for the children involved.  Being shuffled every single week between two houses, two parents, two sets of rules, two of everything...has to be overwhelming.  Hell, I'm overwhelmed most weeks by the entire situation and I'm an adult, I can't imagine being a 7+ year old trying to make all the pieces fit together like a 5000 piece 3D puzzle.  You know, the ones with a hidden picture inside a picture...yeah, I'm thinking it's kind of like that.

Last night the turmoil that flashed across my son's face as he came running into the house demanding nothing but to be held spoke volumes.  One look was all it took, my heart instantly broke into a million little shards of glass, the wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't breathe.  I had effectively been sucker punched.  No amount of boxing  or Tae Kwan Do training could have prepared me for this little uppercut that my boy just delivered.  It's like day one of this PT parenting nightmare all over again.  Crap!!! 

Then, when reading one of my favorite blogs last night in a hunt for answers and peace, I stumbled upon this quote...“Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” -Unknown.  Perfect, this sounds good, this could totally work, now how does one do this?  Why do these fantastic quotes never come with directions?  They would be much more effective in my opinion, if they came with directions on how to apply them.  For example, Step 1) identify the disappointment(s), Step 2) claim tomorrow's dream...just a suggestion.  Sounds simple enough...

Step 1)...Identify the disappointments.  Well, for starters, I'm disappointed that I don't have the answers to erase the pain and turmoil that I saw on young and conflicted face.  I'm disappointed that with that one look, a years worth of hard work disappeared.  And, I'm disappointed because suddenly, all the pain and confusion of this past year has returned and knocked us both on our asses.  Once again I feel like I'm left standing on one leg hopping down a poison ivy infested path in the darkest forest I've ever seen. 

Ok, phuck disappointed...I'm pissed off!!  I want to blame someone, I want to scream, and I really want to punch something.  (Time to call my good friend Kathy for a boxing session me thinks :)).  Only, in this instance, there is no one to blame or scream at or punch...it is what it is and I can be disappointed and pissed off all I want, but it's not going to help or change things.  The only thing that will help is by focusing my energies on Step 2 (and maybe one really good session with the bag...I'll call Kathy this week!). 

Step 2)...Claim tomorrow's dream.  Ok, that's easy, I'm determined to return peace and stability to my son's world...to see the calm happy genuine smile return to my boys face, and to hear him sing the Chipmunks Christmas at the top of his lungs or dance around to Pink's Funhouse without a care in the world.  I dream of secretly watching him from the doorway of his room, playing contently with his Lego's while Sponge Bob sings "Don't be a Jerk" in the background.  This is the dream I am claiming for tomorrow (and today...and forever!).  

Yep, this PT parenting gig totally blows some days (pretty much all the time!)...it's a big giant pile of horse shit that it feels like we are living in and trying to dig ourselves out of every other week.  And just about the time we get all the poo cleared, a semi load of new shit is delivered and dumped on our heads.  But, I'm not going to let this stupid forest of poo and dung cast a shadow on my dream.  We'll be ok...we have to be, I'm not giving us another option.  My son will smile again, preferably without the worry lines creasing his forehead, and I will move heaven and earth (and a million tons of shit) to make it happen if I have to.