"The art of life is constant readjusting to your surroundings" ~ Kazuko Okokaura
Damn it...I think I changed again! I swear, just about the time I think I have it all figured out something in me shifts a little more and I discover some new hidden layer of myself, my personality, and my desires and needs.
This is not at all a bad thing, it's just more of an inner awakening that is bringing me that much closer to truly being ONE with myself. It just never ceases to take me by surprise whenever it does happen though. There is never any warning and it's usually not a gradual thing. Its more of a instantaneous moment that happens suddenly, like a light switch gets flipped and BAM there I am staring at myself in the glaring fluorescent light of my inner consciousness. (Guess that's why they probably call it a light bulb moment huh?? LOL :))
This particular light bulb moment happened the other day when I donned a new baseball hat...suddenly, just like that a new version of me appeared. I felt slightly darker and more mysterious...I had new found sass and confidence (ok, I've always been sassy, but this was a new level of "don't mess with me, I'm in complete control, bad ass kind of sass", and OMG I liked it...no-no, I LOVED it!...oh baby, watch the phuck out :))...I felt like I could conquer the world. (I mean, yeah...I'm all about "no fear" and "go hard or go home", but when it comes to conquering the world, normally I prefer to leave that up to the professional superhero's...I'm just a struggling single mom triathlete trying to do the best for my boy and keep life rollin along happily and smoothly for both of us, superhero I am most definitely not. :))
Truth is, I've always had a thing for hats, especially baseball hats (duh, I'm a tomboy remember...hats are pretty much a staple in my wardrobe...wake up in the morning and need to run to the store, throw on a hoodie and a baseball hat and go...racing a tri with wet hair, throw a tech hat on in T2 and you're good to go...hair too short for a ponytail, there's a hat for that...and I've got a hat for every occasion). Plus, I loves me a boy who knows how to properly rock a baseball hat (big surprise, I know...hardy har-har!), they're all dark and mysterious...it draws me in and makes me want to learn more about the person wearing them. Actually, thinking back on it now, the most important guy influences in my life have known how to properly rock baseball hats...Mr. Incredible, rocks em trucker style...my fireman friend, rocks em rustic worn-in mountain man style...ALL my unhealthy obsessions, rock em Xtreme and/or true rocker style...heck even my little JP rocks a baseball hat all proper kid like and it's downright adorable. What can I say? I guess I love hats.
So, I kind of figured that once I took the hat off at the end of the day that I would go back to being just plain old normal me again, but no. Seems like the hat did the trick and I think this new layer of sassy me is around to stay. I'm slightly more outspoken (if that's even possible! :)), and for the first time I'm not afraid to really start to share who I really am. Yeah-yeah...it's all very trivial and silly, but I've finally made it FB official that I'm a smart ass Buddhist with a leaning towards the Law of Attraction way of thinking (see, silly!)...BUT, it really doesn't matter if it IS silly, because to me that's significant. Because, it finally means that maybe I kind of don't care who sees it or what they might think of me...it's just me being me, and if I can accept it, then you should too, and if you can't well then I'm sorry, but... *shrug*...and I have my hat to thank for that. This is me, whatcha see is whatcha get...hat's, sass, smile, unhealthy addictions and all.
"If you don't create change, change will create you" ~ Unknown
