Never Judge a Book By It's Cover

It's common knowledge, you should never judge a book by it's cover, and people are really no different.  People will often surprise you if you are open minded enough to let them (this can be a wonderful experience under the right circumstances, but it can also be challenging at times too).  We can actually learn a lot from one another this way. 

For the most part, I'm an open book.  You have a question for or about me, just ask.  I'll answer it and I'll always be honest.  However, be prepared because the answer may just surprise or even shock you. 

Trust me when I say that this tiny, single, triathlete, hard working momma has more than a few secrets.  It's entirely possible that I have a whole secret life out there (ok, maybe not a whole life, but I do have a lot more going on than what normally appears on the surface).  Intrigued?...I bet (actually, so am I because I don't feel like I'm all that exciting really, but apparently I'm actually quite shocking...who knew???).  Keep on reading because I'm pretty sure I'm about to go all in with sharing parts of my secret life and more and more of it will probably wind up here.  (No worries...I'll be sure to change the names to protect the not so innocent...LOL :)). 

Here's what we know so far.  I'm a mom, to a wonderful 8 year old, extremely ADHD boy who is the center of my universe.  I'm a triathlete.  I'm an avid exerciser and workout-aholic.  I'm a dare devil.  I never turn down a challenge.  I'm recently divorced.  I'm possibly battling an ED.  I'm a perfectionist.  I have a big heart.  I've been IN love and OUT of love.  I love to meet new people and expand my circle of friends.  I like whiskey, wine, beer, tattoos, cheese and danger.  I love music of all kinds.  I have unhealthy obsessions with Dave Grohl, Kid Rock, and Hed Pe.  I have 3 jobs.  I'm a Buddhist who identifies strongly with the Law of Attraction theory as well.  I'm honest.  I'm stupidly positive and happy from the inside out 97% of the time.  I have strange and meaningful dreams.  I had an incredibly hot but miserably failed affair with a fireman (highly recommend it to any single girl out there...firemen, yeah, they know shit...it's HOTT!).  I'm a super cool chic!  I'm strong and cute...hell, I've even been called adorable (who knew???).  I'm a proud tomboy.  Oh, and I like boys.  (When I say "boys", for the record, I mean men over the age of 25...just in case there are any creepers out there reading way too much into my use of that word.) 

Ok, no surprises there really...so...well, stay tuned...I have lots and lots of random adventures to share.  I'm just not sure at the moment where to start exactly. 

I may be an open book, but don't judge me by my cover alone...you'll be missing the best part.  :)

I really do have so many different things to write about at the moment...1) my health, 2) BRR Ride with Team Deathrace, 3) Group Power training, 4) JP's battle with school, 5) bankruptcy, 6) taxes, 7) my amazing family, 8) dating, 9) training vs. overtraining, and on and on and on...really, stay tuned... :)

Deep Thought of the Day

There is no way to happiness...happiness is the way. 

This is from a Buddhist inspired necklace that I have (yeah, I know, right?...me, a necklace?...isn't that jewelry?...and I don't do makeup or jewelry, right?...shhiiiittt, I get girlier and girlier every day...what the hell *sad face*...LOL :))...and love. 

(Full disclosure: you should totally see my collection of purses!  This tomboy has a girlie streak the size of Texas!) 

Think about it though...really, for such a simple statement, it speaks volumes.  There is no way to happiness.  Happiness is not a thing to search out and find, yet so many people get caught in that trap of thinking "if I just do this (or have this) then I will be happy".  Happiness is already within all of us and once we embrace our happiness within, and just live life by being happy, then we will find the happiness that we all seem to be frantically searching for.  Nope, there is no one direct path to happiness...happiness IS the path, and we should all be following it. 

(Just my opinion...thanks for letting me share :)). 

Big B "White Trash Life"

Cuz really aren't we all a little White Trash from time to time??  Yeah, some days I'm white trash and I'm perfectly ok with it.  Embrace your trailer park roots I say!!   :)

This song makes me smile too (if you've never checked out Big B's stuff before, you really should...good shit bitches, good shit!).  The thing I think I like about him is he seems completely happy and at peace with exactly what his life is.  He's fully embracing living life in the moment, and white trash or not, that's pretty phucking cool.  I've learned that everything can change overnight and nothing is permanent (another Buddhist philosophy :)) so just enjoy what is and be happy in the moment. 

Big B "Hooligan"

Because it makes me smile...and, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am"...guess that makes me a hooligan too.  :)

Time Out

OK...It's official, I'm maybe more than slightly overwhelmed at the moment, and I hate admitting it!! 

I'm a single mom with 3 jobs, 1 extremely lovable ADHD boy, and a huge list of dreams and expectations for myself.  I expect nothing less than perfection from myself (shocking right?...me, a perfectionist...who knew?!?!), and in the next year I want to; complete a half ironman distance triathlon, learn to ride motocross, ride the entire week of RAGBRAI, complete my ACE personal training certification, hang curtains in my son's room, get 2 more tattoos and maybe buy a new toaster and garbage can for my kitchen (random, yes!).  Over the course of the next couple of years I dream of completing a full IM (MOO baby!!...2012!!...anyone want to "sponsor" me and my $600 entrance fee?? :)), getting a dog and maybe even owning a home again.  I really do want a lot of things in my life, but right now what I want more than anything is just a little extra time. 

Most days I feel like I'm running my fastest half marathon ever, but not getting any closer to the darn finish line.  My house is a huge unorganized mess (and I usually pride myself on organization), I haven't read a book (or even a magazine for that matter) since this summer, and movies...ha, forget about it!  Not since spending time with Mr. Incredible have I taken the time to actually sit and watch a movie, and I haven't turned my TV on in so long I don't even know if it works anymore.  And, please don't even ask me which pile of laundry is clean and which is dirty.  (Don't worry, I know which is which...no dirty clothes are being warn in this house!!!  I promise!  However no clean clothes are actually making their way into my closet or dresser drawers at the moment either *sad face*).

If I had a magic lamp or a genie in a bottle (side note: are these actually the same thing?...does anybody know?) I would wish for just a little more time in my life.  Time to do laundry, to organize and clean my house, time to cook good healthy CLEAN meals (I really miss grilled shrimpy things), and most of all...more time to breathe and appreciate all the good in my life, especially my boy!  Yes, I would most definitely wish for more uninterrupted giggle time with my JP! 

Time is good.  Time is important.  It's a lot like money...the world runs on it, we all want more of it and no one seems to ever have enough of it.  But, have you ever noticed that time is also a 4 letter word???  (Kinda feels like that some days huh??...yep, gotta say, I kinda agree! :))

Full disclosure: I could probably also use a personal assistant, a chef, a cleaning lady, two extra arms, an accountant and maybe a winning lottery ticket (told ya I had big dreams and expectations! :))...but for right now, in this moment, I'd just settle for 2 hours of unscheduled time (that does not interfere with sleeping) and 1 really good hug (preferably from a cute boy :)). 

Triathlon Q and A

Q:  What does any bored triathlete do in the middle of the winter?...when it's negative 15 outside with the wind chill and stir craziness has set in deep? 

A:  Why, they do a triathlon of course!!  (Duh, as if there was going to be another answer). 

I live in Iowa...it's cold here!  Triathlon season doesn't officially kick off until May, and even then...I don't recommend it.  I'm hard core, but when water temps hover less than 60 degrees...count this hard core tri chic out!!!  I've killed many many many many braincells (some more recently than others...BRR Ride what?...but that's for another post, stay tuned :)), and I may not be the smartest fish in the pond...and we all know that I LOVES me some triathlon, but damn, cold is cold, and there's no way in HELL I'm getting in a lake in Iowa in May.  Sorry Charlie!  I'll volunteer and spectate and bring a lot of cow bell to the occasion, but participate HELLZ to the PHUCKING NO. 

Anyway, where was I?...oh yeah, tri season isn't until May around here...AAANNNND, it's still February.  PHUCK!  (Sorry, I'm about to sound like my 8 year old here, but...)  OMG, I'm soooo bored!!!!  Good grief!  Somebody entertain me???  (Yeah, that got no response...thanks guys... :)). 

Here's the deal, (if it's not already glaringly obvious) I absolutely hate winter (for the most part) and I'm tired of all the mental mind games that go along with the off season training plan (pros call it base building...I call it boring...necessary, but boring-as-shit).  So, sometime during the course of the day it occurred to me that there was absolutely nothing stopping me from doing a tri right now...like RIGHT now.  My gym has a pool, and bikes, and treadmills...so why not??? 

After work I donned my finest TYR swimsuit and goggles (if anyone from TYR is reading this, and wants to sponsor a middle of the pack, random, potty mouthed, age grouper from Iowa...call me :)), packed up my Mizuno tri bag (again, I'm not too proud to beg here...I can pedal ice to an Eskimo :)) and headed to the gym to complete my first sprint tri of the 2011 season.  One 500 meter swim, a 15 mile bike, and a 5K run later and this tri momma found some much needed zen mojo on a cold miserable winter day.  (Seriously, we're under a wind chill advisory for the next 3 days...BLAH!!!...anyone not aware of what a wind chill advisory is, it means that any exposed skin will frostbite in less than 30 minutes outside...sweet!...sounds enjoyable eh??)

On the way home in the car, as brain drain was fully setting in, something else occurred to me...most people consider a sprint tri something to train for, not just to do for the hell of it as part of training cuz we're bored...huh... (well, I never said Triathletes were sane :))

I love this sport!!!


Tell me friends...what kinds of things to you do in the off season to keep your excitement high? 

Hed PE "Suffa"

Ok, another really good one for running/training motivation.  Cuz some days the whole point of training is to suffa... but, "never lay down, never say die, never tap out" = NEVER GIVE UP!! 

There's a great saying in triathlon..."Death before DNF!"  Or, from the founder of Ironman..."you can quit if you want to and no one else will know, but you will never forget".  As someone who has pulled one DNF in her triathlon career, it's true...you NEVER forget (memories of that race play out in my head during each and every training session...no joke!...you NEVER forget!) and next time I guarantee it will be death before DNF (pay attention Big Pig...in 2011, you belong to me!).  Go hard or go home boys, cuz this girl ain't giving up! 

(Damn, I really am obsessed with these guys!...hehe!...it's just such great shit to run to, and when it's 10 below outside the last thing anyone wants to do around here is run, so a little mind game motivation comes in very handy and music is one of the best mind game motivators I've found so far, but maybe I need to explore some new shit.  Any suggestions...  :))

** DNF --> Did Not Finish

(Hed) Planet Earth - Bartender

Can't sleep...playing on You Tube...watching various videos from obsessions numbers 1, 2 and 3...and this is what happens, I share them with you.  Enjoy!!!  :)

This one has some good bar memories!!!  Not saying that is is really accurate of bar life as a single person, but it's maybe a little accurate (only from what I've observed of course...not what I've personally experienced...necessarily... ;)). 

What Dreams May Come

I'm a dreamer...and a realist, but really I'm a dreamer...literally.  My sleeping dreams are vivid and colorful and powerful and more often than not, come true on some level.  I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say psychic, cuz that would be just weird, but my dreams definitely have significance.  Actually, I think everyone's dreams probably have significance.  I believe that when we dream something that is so real and so true to our hearts and souls that we can remember it in the morning, it is usually a way for our subconscious to tell our conscious to wake the hell up, because there is something in our real lives that needs our attention.

I'm no expert, and I don't really have any knowledge about dream meanings or interpretation, but I do know this...

I know that when my great grandma died, before anyone ever told me she had passed in the middle of the night, her and I sat together on my bed in the wee hours of the morning (it was around 3:30 in my head) had a very clear conversation and she hugged me and told me good bye.  When I woke up in the morning the first words out of my mouth were Grandma Beulah died.  No one had spoken to me.  She died around 4 that morning.

I also know that when my grandpa died, almost the same exact thing happened.  Only this time I knew it was a dream (one of those ones where I wanted to force myself awake, but I knew it was too important and that I needed to know how it ended), and he came to me in my dream and we sat at his dining room table while Patches (his black lab) played in the back yard, and I begged him not to go.  He told me he had to and he patted my hand and walked out the sliding glass doors and into his massive backyard that backed up to a woods...I watched him walk across the yard where my great grandma Beulah (his mom) was waiting for him, and together they waved at me and walked into the woods.  I hated that dream.  I loved my grandpa with all my heart and I was so relieved when I woke in the morning to find that he was still alive.  It wasn't until later that afternoon, that we got the news.  He had a heart attack on his way across the Mississippi (on his favorite bridge) while stuck in construction, and the EMT's did all they could, but...

(Side note:  I sat under that very bridge this summer while waiting for my best friends to finish RAGBRAI, and I can see why my Papa loved the river and that dirty river town so much.  In the middle of all the chaos that was my summer of 2010, I sat under my grandpa's bridge and I remembered what life was really all about, and I knew in that moment, in my heart, that everything was going to be ok.  Thanks Pop's...the original JP, I still love you and miss you every single day!)

Other times, I've dreamt of things only to find myself having erie De-Ja-Vu type experiences in the following days or weeks, and I've found many many misplaced items over my lifetime only by concentrating hard enough on them in my dreams.  Nope, I'm no expert, but I know now that when my dreams talk I better phucking listen. 

Dreams, I believe, are the doorways to our souls and lately I've had some real doozies!!!  (ARE YOU KIDDING ME????...THIS is what my soul is thinking?!?!  Flippin craptastic!!!  Guess I'm a bit girlier than I've previously given myself credit for..phucking sweet.)  And, NO, for the record, I haven't been drinking and I don't do drugs (duh, triathlon IS my drug :)).  I'm just a little shocked at the moment trying to figure out what all these recent dreams mean to me.  And, what it is exactly that my subconscious is trying to tell me.  Whatever it is though, it's screaming pretty loudly the same freaking visions over and over again night after night.  Apparently, the subconscious has a thing or two to say about some recent events in my life.  Really??...me with something to say??...shocking, I know!  Haha!  (Would love to give my subconscious a shot of whiskey and tell it to shut the hell up right about now, but I'm not even sure that would help...darn life lessons anyway, screwing with my REM!  Giving me bags under my eyes and shit...hello, I'm 35, extra eye baggage is NOT welcome!  Geesh! :))

For now though, I'm guess I'll just have to sit back and wait for the De-Ja-Vu moment to happen...it always kind of unnerves me when it does (freaky business I say!!!), even though I know it's coming.  (Tick-tock...Hey Karma, you could hurry up and I wouldn't really complain too much...just sayin.  Thanks! :))  And, when I figure out whatever this great life lesson that I'm positive I'm about to learn is, I'll be sure to pass it on.  In the meantime, if anyone knows anything about dream interpretation, (or giving shots of whiskey to our subconscious selves) by all means, let me know.  I have some questions...just a few (like a maybe a dozen...or more *shrug* :)). 

Wonder what I'll dream about tonight...

Tell me friends...what do your dreams mean to you???