Kid Rock Flying'High

Ok, so I'm back on obsession #2.  (It's Kid Rock and he's HOT!)  I love this one.  Prolly because it's so me...seriously, this is pretty much how I how I choose to live.  I absolutely love my life...everyone in it...and how I roll.  I don't need anything more than I've currently got..."it can't get no sweeter"...I'm good!   

I'm really am such a simple girl.  I truly don't have a lot of needs (tomboy remember?...I'm a jeans and hoodies, no make up, no frills chic) and I honestly don't want any more than I've got right now at this moment.  My world and my heart really are bursting with gratitude and fullness today.  I'm surrounded by the most amazing people, I have my boy, I'm finally feeling healthy again, and tri training season is in full swing...I'm a very lucky girl. 

So, I was actually reminded of this song when I ran into an acquaintance of mine today who I went boating a lot with this summer, and the part about the "a pontoon boat, a bottle of beam, couple of good friends, some cut off jeans, has made us realize...you can't buy cool"...yep, totally reminds me of this summer and makes me smile every time I hear it.  Chillin on Sard's pontoon doin a beer (or BV), boat and float, in my bikini and cut off jeans with some of my best friends...yep, that's all I need. 

Side note: our version of a Beer, Boat and Floats consisted of about 10-15 adults, usually 5-8 kids, 1 pontoon anchored in a lake about 9 feet deep, 1 speed boat tied off on one side of the pontoon, and 1 fishing boat tied off on the other side of the pontoon...it was AWESOME!!!  I've since been told that this is the equivalent of a "white trash yacht club"...ok, then (*shrug*)!  I've said before I have no problems embracing my white trash roots, and if spending time chillin outside on a boat and lake with a bunch of my favorite people, is white trash, then so be it!  :)

Good friends, good times, a lot of fun and a helluva lot of smiles..."the grass don't get much greener...it can't get no sweeter...I got a funny cigarette and a $2 dollar bottle of wine...I'm gonna keep on chillin, refillin that flyin high"...yep, that's me!!!  I really am a lucky girl, and I'm so grateful!!   :)

(Big BIG huge phucking THANK YOU to Sard and Julie and Bryce and Everyone (you know who you are!) for such a fun summer!!!!  You guys were there for me when I needed an escape, and I love you all for it!!!  Thank you a million times over!  AND, a big THANK YOU to my amazing friends in my life who continue to support me and let me chill out and be me (ya, you know who you are too)...you accept me for me, flaws, faults, tomboy tendancies, craziness and all.  I love you too!! :))

The X Factor

I've said it a hundred times, being a single parent is tough.  It is, I'm not gonna lie.  It can be made even tougher sometimes by the great X Factor...you know, that person who shares that responsibility of single parenting with you.  Yeah, that's the one.  If you're single parent, chances are pretty good that you have an X Factor of your own.  The X Factor can be beyond challenging at times, and even more so if your not able or willing to be friends (even for your kid's sake) or don't necessarily see eye to eye most of the time (all the time!...about anything!). 

Until about three weeks ago I had a very difficult X Factor situation.  I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say that after 13 years of marriage, one affair, a (sometimes very nasty) divorce and two bankruptcies...we HATED each other.  We did, I'm not proud of it because hate, in my opinion, is a useless emotion, but we were miserable and we hated each other.  There was so much anger and frustration and hostility...by both of us, and we were not able to function productively as parents at all.  There was NO cohesion...we were failing miserably at this whole single co-parenting thing.  But then...*shrug*...something shifted.  I can't really explain it, other than something significant changed for us about three weeks ago. 

Strangely, coincidence or not, this was also around the same time I started meditating more regularly and really putting my trust into the universe.  I became a more peaceful person from the inside out and in the process gave up caring (and worrying) about the differences in our two distinctively different households and lifestyles (and how those differences may be affecting our boy).  I had put my trust into the universe and in the process trusted more what I was doing as a mom and single parent.  In gaining that trust and positive confidence in myself, I also began to see my X Factor in a different light.  I believe that for all of our individual differences, we both truly love our boy with all of our hearts and being, and that both of us want nothing but the best for him.  In that light, made the conscious decision that we were no longer going to be enemies, and I was going to do my best to become allies with him.  It was time for us to put the past behind us and move forward as parents. 

This was also around the time that our boy started getting pretty ill with his asthma, and we had to really open the doors of communication to make sure we were doing what's best for him.  Whatever the reason was, there was suddenly very clearly no more hate.  We started working better as a team, and in the process we are much better single co-parents for it I think.  I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends again, but we are definitely on the same page where our boy is concerned. 

Because of this shift between us, I'm seeing a HUGE change in our boy.  HUGE!!!  Single parenting just took a big leap forward and got way easier because my boy finally appears happy again.  For the first time in a long long time, my boy smiled a genuine smile this week, and I've been hearing him giggle like...well...honestly, like I haven't since we all lived together in the same house.  (For the record, nothing melts a mom's heart faster or brings tears of joy to her eyes quicker than hearing her child giggle a true honest to goodness belly giggle...just thinking about it is even threatening to bring on the mom waterworks. :)) 

We may be on to something here, my X Factor and I.  I think we're all finally settling into this new world and both of us, for our own separate reasons, are finally happy people again...and I think that because we are both truly happy and content with the universe, our boy is picking up on those positive vibes and he's happier and more content too.  I know this wasn't the way I ever imagined parenting the day I brought my tiny little prince home from the hospital, but I think now maybe it's not so bad.  I think...NO...I know now, that my boy will be just fine, and I know this because my X and I are just fine too.  Better than fine really...I can't speak for him anymore, but for me...yeah, it's safe to say that I am truly filled with gratitude for this path that I am on as a single parent.  Who knows, maybe someday the X Factor and I will even be friends again...*shrug*...or not...whatever.  The universe can decide that for us, I don't really care either way.  I do know though that I no longer hold any feelings of hate for him, AND, that I have a committed single co-parent partner willing to work with me for the best interest of our child...and THAT'S something that I do care about.  

(MEP...if I have to be a single co-parent with someone, I'm glad it's you.  You're a good dad and I know that I will never have to question for one second the love you have for our boy. :))

Zac Brown Band - Quiet Your Mind

(SHHH...just don't tell anyone it's country!!!  *hangs head in shame* LOL)

Ok, I'm not normally a country girl, but I've said that I'm going to be open to all options.  One of the guys at work was playing this today, and really the words are very beautiful, and I couldn't help but to be drawn in by it.  It really goes right along with my thoughts on meditation and putting trust in the universe.  Just soak it all in...enjoy the ride...  This is what I'm sayin :)

(Don't get me wrong, I'm still a Hed Pe, ass kicking, hard rocking, punk loving, go hard or go home girl, but this maybe isn't so bad...PLUS, if he's good enough for Kid Rock then he's good enough for me too! :))

Quote(ish) of the Day

Triathlon can pretty much be summed up by these two sentences...

"Your body screams STOP!!!!!!!!  But your heart screams GO!!!!!!!!" 

(This was left as a comment on YouTube in response to one of the vid's I just posted, and I gotta say...it's 100% accurate.  Perfect!!)

Ironman - Triathlon from the Inside Out (part 2)

This is a shorter version of my previous post, for those who don't want to watch the longer version...still really cool and gets the point across.  Just hard to believe he can condense 11+ hours of a race into 3ish minutes.  CRAZY!!!

Ironman - Triathlon from the Inside Out

If you ever want to know what it's like to do a triathlon (or in this case an Ironman) from an athlete's point of view.  Here you go!  This is about as real as it gets...a triathlete's view of the world on race day. 

* Please note the sound of the cowbells at about the 5:00 mark...I know they may seem silly and annoying to spectators, but out on the road...it's music to our ears!  Those cowbells can break us from a funk, they can let us know that we are close to civilization again, and they can lift our spirits...most importantly they can make us smile!!!  Just knowing that someone is out there willing to cheer us on and bring a little cowbell to the occasion definitely makes us smile.  So silly or not, please...I gotta have more cowbell!  :) 

My Good Intentions

I've said it a bazillion times that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  I've found this is true a lot of the time...BUT, I'm also learning it's sometimes false.  Intentions are important, and if they are developed and well thought out I think they can be very powerful. 

I had a good friend of mine ask me once what my intentions were in regards to our relationship or "situation" as we called it (I think we were both in a place where the word "relationship" made us uncomfortable on many levels so we preferred the word "situation").  That was months ago, and I'm sure at the time, I told him very honestly what I thought my intentions were in that moment...I don't even remember what they were it was so long ago, but I'm positive I remember enough of it that I'm sure it had something to do what I thought my intentions should be based on past expectations for how a relationship should work and progress.  (Oh, did you see that?...there is a lot of uncertainty in that statement..."I thought", "should be", "past expectations"...it's the uncertainty of good intentions that I'm pretty sure the road to hell is paved with...we can mean well, but if we are not fully invested in our intentions, then all hell is going to break loose with them...and in my case it did). 

The honest truth is, that I was trying to give him an answer that I couldn't even give myself.  I would have been better off saying "I don't know", because I didn't.  I was fresh out of a marriage, I was nervous, I was frustrated, I was scared and all I wanted was a friend.  But I didn't tell him that...I told him what I thought he wanted to hear. 

Here's a little background on my friend and I.  I got dared by a friend to go on Match.com...so I did (I NEVER turn down a dare!).  I needed dating experience and I needed to just get out there and meet people.  I had no INTENTIONS (damn it!) of meeting anyone worthwhile in the process.  I just needed to meet people and go on dates.  So one night after spending a couple hours at the bar with my friend, I signed up.  I went on a few dates and talked to a few guys, but no one really caught my eye.  It was actually pretty annoying. 

I stumbled on one profile that was cute, dude was rocking a baseball hat (trucker style...and we all know I loves me a boy in a baseball hat) on a beach and he was HOT!!  OMG, we are talking smoking hot!  The man was (is) beautiful, no question about it.  I don't know who contacted who first (he could probably tell you, since the hot man on the beach also has an amazing memory), but somehow we started talking through emails on Match.  Eventually, we even set up a date.  Then, nothing.  Yep, nothing.  Something came up, and he couldn't make it at the last minute (however, he forgot to tell me this!...nice one...aannnnddd done).  Because I didn't really know him yet, I didn't believe him at all (AT ALL!).  At that moment I wrote him off.  After that, I quickly let my Match subscription expire.  No way was I doing that shit again.  I figured that I know enough people in the real world that I don't need to be meeting people online.  I'm a resourceful girl, I'm cute, and I've got some skills...I'll figure this out on my own, thankyouverymuch.  (I was not overly impressed with my experience on Match, just for the record...I have no complaints, but I probably won't do it again.) 

Side note: Have I mentioned how much I actually hate the process of dating??  HATE IT!!!!  (Kind of surprising based on some of my past blogs I know...some days I'm just a walking contradiction, deal with it. LOL :))  I'm talking first dates, not actually seeing someone regularly, that's totally different.  But, first dates, ugh...so overwhelming!!!  It's like going through a job interview process again and again and again...not fun.  I'm all for meeting new people in casual situations, and hanging out with cute boys and flirting...but dating and one on one time with a complete stranger, not so much, and this is exactly why.  Girls (I) get excited, and girls (I) spend extra time to get all cute with the hair and makeup and find a new outfit and maybe some girls (I) stress out so much about it that it can make us nervous crazy for the whole freaking day day.  I would much prefer to be in a solid situation where I've got a buddy to hang out with and chill with regularly or even whenever possible without the pressure of putting on a show.  I've always been more of a friendship/relationship girl and not so much a serial dater.  I just prefer to be comfortable in my surroundings.  Unfortunately, being single, I've had to break out of my shell and explore the dating world just a little bit.  (Another side note: another thing about me that I am adamant about...I am friendship first girl all the way...I want the friendship to be solid before I decide if there's a romantic possibility there, not the other way around...remember, I'm the cool chic with the big but, the one who is cool and fun to hang out with BUT no so much relationship material...this is probably why...friends first, lovers second...no exceptions!).

So, I wrote the cutie on the beach in a hat off and was done thinking about him.  A few weeks later, we started chatting again.  Once again, we seemed to hit it off...and, he asked me out again.  I said yes again, but only because I needed experience going on dates and getting over my fear of meeting strangers...I mean hey, if I'm going to be single, I need to build up my self confidence and be able to do this and practice makes perfect, so I said yes. 

I expected one date and again had no INTENTIONS (mother phucker!) of 1) that the date would even happen (remember, he stood me up once before...yeah...I wasn't getting my hopes up this time), and 2) that we would even have any sort of connection.  The second time around the date actually happened, and honestly when I went into it I wasn't expecting much from the evening.  Then...*shrug*...I don't know what happened...I can't describe it.  (CRAP!!!!...I wasn't supposed to like this guy!!...he was the jerk who stood me up, but there I was having a great conversation with him and there was never once an awkward moment, and he wasn't really a jerk, he was a actually cool solid guy...CRAP!!!!...stupid freaking intentions!!!...mother phucker, son of a bitch, damn it, crap!)  Then, there was a second date, it was just a fun and relaxing as the first, but I thought I caught a weird vibe from him and I was sure I'd never hear from him again...so, once again I was prepared to write him off.  (I gotta really quit doing that, he's not someone you can write off easily :)). 

After that, we kind of quit dating.  Sure, we talked (texted...we actually rarely talk on the phone in person) almost every day, but actual dating...yeah not so much.  It's just not who we are.  He's sort of a homebody, and I sort of like that about him (I'm kind of a homebody too and I totally get it), so we would chill most of the time with beer and movies on his couch with his awesome dog sprawled out on top of both of us.  It was a good situation, a freaking great situation...until he started asking me about my intentions.  (CRAP!!!) 

Suddenly, I felt pressure and I got nervous and scared.  I didn't know what my intentions were (hello??...in the past year and a half this girl has dealt with an ex-husband who had an affair, a divorce, a bankruptcy, and a fireman...it had been a pretty full and weird year...I didn't know which end was up quite honestly, let alone what my flipping intentions were), but he wanted an answer so I gave him the best that I could at that moment.  Fail! 

I want more than anything to be 100% honest all the time, but how could I be honest with him about my intentions if I couldn't even be honest with myself.  The honest truth was that at the time, I didn't know what my intentions were...in any area of my life.  I really had no idea.  I hadn't even thought about it really.  My world at that time was all about figuring out how this new life would work for my son and I, I was caught off guard and I was terrified by it (I'm a little bit of a control freak, so being caught off guard...not a good feeling for me...I panicked).  Hell, a month ago, I probably still didn't even know what my intentions were.  But today, yeah...I've figured some of it out and I finally have a pretty good idea of what my current intentions are.  Basically, I have none!  

After doing this whole meditation thing for a couple of weeks now, I've become much more clear about what knowing what I want for my life and my world, and starting today I intend to fully put my trust in the universe and let be what will be.  I'm wide open to all options and all possibilities.  My only intentions are that I intend to be grateful for all that I have and positive in all that I do, but I'm letting time, Karma, and the universe be my guide...in the meantime I intend to just sit back and enjoy the ride on this road of good intentions (just hopefully it's not a road paved to hell :)). 

I think this has been my desire all along, to feel this sort of freedom by taking my control out of the equation and trusting in the universe.  Today I felt fully free, and willing to open up my trust again to the universe and whatever it brings my way.  (I know I've maybe said it before, but I didn't fully feel it before the way I feel it now.)  It's a good feeling...to trust in the universe...just open up and fully trust.   (This actually works too, when I'm feeling uncertain about something, I meditate with these three words...trust the universe...and it totally works. :))  TRUST THE UNIVERSE...my new mantra.  :)

Final thought: as for my intentions with my friend...that's not so tough anymore...I can say with 100% certainty that I am absolutely content with what it is.  I have no intentions or motivations where our friendship (or situation) is concerned.  I have no idea whats going to happen, and I don't really want to know, nor do I need to know.  The future is not mine to design.  I have no crystal ball, and if I did, I probably wouldn't use it.  I don't need any guarantees.  I just want to be...I want to enjoy each moment for what it is and just be.  He's a really cool solid guy, and I feel lucky to get to spend a little time with him.  (And yeah, something really did come up that first date and his excuse was completely valid...I'm sorry now that I ever doubted him. :))

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift...that's why they call it the present" ~ Kung Fu Panda

Pigman!...I Won't Back Down

This is the song of the day in honor of my recent official entry into the Pigman Longcourse (70.3...half Ironman) Triathlon. Whoot! Whoot! Bring it baby...go hard or go home...cuz this year I WON'T BACK DOWN!!!

I've mentioned this race (Pigman) a few times in the past in regards to my desire to do this again...and I've also mentioned my one DNF...these two events are related. My DNF occurred at Pigman Long (better known around these parts as Big Pig...that's right, "dig the Big Pig gig" baby!) in 2009. I really have no excuse, I wasn't prepared for the day and I got into my own head at some point and I couldn't get out.

The day started with thunderstorms and lightening at 5:15 in the morning, and like all hopeful triathletes, my buddies Jason, Therese, Steve and I rolled out to the race course determined to set up our transition and get started...in the rain (did I mention the thunderstorms already???). So we get there and we get marked (loves me the smell of sharpie and neoprene in the morning!) and we start setting up our transition, covering all of our shit with garbage bags in hopes of keeping it dry...epic failure!! Everything was DRENCHED before we were herded like cattle to the beach for the start.

Now here's the thing about me and triathlons...if someone ever tells me to "find my happy place" (the place where I'm most comfortable and at ease and the place that will immediately throw me head first in to the Vortex) the image that almost immediately pops into my head is standing on the beach of a triathlon waiting for the starting gun. HOWEVER, it never fails that at the start of each race, while standing on the beach, I have to convince myself NOT to puke. It's a strange and complicated relationship I have with the swim start. Not really a love-hate thing, it's more of a love-omg what the hell was I thinking sort of thing. (Side note: I maybe do have one other happy place that I like to use to jump into the Vortex, but I'm not willing to tell what it is. :))

So we're standing at the beach looking out at the whitecaps on the lake, listening to the thunder in the background and attempting to hold whatever breakfast we've eaten in our stomachs when the gun goes off. The water is so choppy and the sky so dark that there is no way to sight the buoys at all and I quickly discover that the best bet here is just to follow the feet of the swimmer in front of you and hope that they are on course. The pounding rain started up at the first turn buoy and added the challenge of trying to breath and swim while getting a mouthful of rain instead of air. All I can say is thank whoever for wetsuits that day!!!! I was way overheated, but that thing probably saved my life more than once out there.

Coming out of the water and trying to find our land legs was an even bigger challenge. The whitecaps have a way of really messing with your sense of balance, and we were then faced with wet everything in transition and a continued thunderstorm with 45-50 mph sustained winds...phucking sweet...yeah, I've got a great idea...lets get on a bike anyway and see if we can even make this happen. By the time we left the park and I headed straight into a headwind, pedalling my ass off, going down a significant hill, I had hit a whopping 6 miles per hour...shit...this is going to be a long 56 miles.

You know that song from Nemo..."just keep swimming"....well I used it on the swim, then changed it for the bike to just keep moving...just keep moving...just keep moving...over and over again. Between the alternating 50 mph head wind and 50 mph cross wind, I was using all my strength and endurance trying to keep the bike moving and upright (I'm not a big girl and my bike is pretty light too)...there was no rest time or opportunities for nutrition. I was at the turnaround before I had my first bite of food or something to drink in more than 3 hours (anyone who knows anything about endurance racing knows that this is bad...I don't know how much nutrition I had lost through sweat at that point, but 3 hours of continuous hard effort exercise without even a sip of water, let alone electrolytes or carbs, is not good)...my body was starting to fight back hard...I was losing ground quickly.

Just beyond the bike turnaround, my body gave up the fight and did a full on revolt. Dizzy, nauseous, and about to pass out, I climbed off the bike for just a minute to try to get my bearings. All I wanted at that point was for the sky to stop spinning. As I did I stumbled down a ditch, puked in some farmers front yard, and fell to the ground. A course medic happened by just in time to see me puke and fall, and with that, my day was pretty much over.

After tossing my cookies and eating a banana that was offered to me, I tried to convince the kind medic that I was ok and would be able to finish the race. He actually took my bike from me (sucker had it up and loaded in the back of a truck before I turned around) and said no...then he kindly put his arm around me (I think to hold me up) and ushered me to the back of his truck for the ride back to the park. I was too tired to fight it. It's probably a good thing. I think I passed out at some point during the ride back. My body was shot.

Here's what I learned...I trained for perfect conditions that day, and had we had them I would have finished, maybe not strong because I'm not sure I was trained enough, but I would have finished. Race day wasn't perfect, but there are never any guarantees with this, so I learned a very valuable lesson. Train for ALL conditions. Those days when you don't want to bike or run because it's cold, or raining, or windy...HTFU (harden the fuck up) get the phuck out there and roll, because you never know what your going to get, especially during an event that could last up to 6 hours. I got thunderstorms, wind, lightening and puke in 2009...in 2010 it was well over 100 degrees and sunny for the same race...I don't know what 2011 will bring, but I'll be ready and I won't back down.

This year it's death before DNF (I'm not kidding!)!! I will go until I collapse and then I will get up and I will go some more, because this year I know I can!

Ouch

WTF?!?!  Son of a bitch...mother phucker...OMG...pain...intense freaking pain...in the middle of the night...pain like I haven't felt since...well, yeah, since before knee surgery.  PHUCK!!!!  

 

It was the kind of pain that had me sitting straight up in bed and muffling a sudden burst of loud profanities by biting my own hand in less than 2.2 seconds.  Ok, so what the hell just happened?...and where the phuck did that come from? 

 

Yes, I work out a lot.  And, yes I run a lot.  BUT, I have stuck strictly to the rules and guidelines laid out to me by my physical therapist more than a year and a half ago, when he finally cleared me to run again.  I knew that by not following the rules, I would jeopardize my chances of having a long and productive (read: I want some PR's!) running life.  I want to be able to run...run fast...run hard...and PR (personal record) every single race and distance I try. 

 

I want NO LIMITS in my active world and in order to do that I need to follow some very simple rules.  1) No running 2 days in a row...my body needs a least a day in between runs to recover...check!  2) Lift weights and stay strong but no deep knee bends or squats...check (sorta...I try like hell to follow this one, but it's particularly hard for me for some reason)!  3) Cross train, cross train, cross train...um yeah, obviously, check!!  4) Stretch regularly...check-ish (a runner can always be better in this area...especially one who's a multi tasking goddess such as myself :))! 

 

Ok, so there's some room for improvement, but it still doesn't explain why my knee locked up tighter than a bank vault in the middle of the night.  Maybe I pushed too hard when I ran outside yesterday (pulled a 7:49 pace for 4.7 miles...yeah baby!!!!) for the first time in a LONG time. BUT, it was so sunny and warm and spring like...I didn't feel like I was pushing, I was just moving in a zone and letting my legs determine the pace in response to the good vibes I was getting from my surroundings.  (Um yeah, and speaking of surroundings...I'd heard rumors that there was a full service Caribou Coffee bar out on campus at the Hub, but I'd never seen it for myself until yesterday...holy Mother Earth...looks like I need to be finding my way onto campus a bit more often...AWESOME!!!!)  Maybe I increased my weights too much last night in class.  I don't know, but I do know that THIS little locking incident is probably NOT a good sign.  It's not bad either, but it's definitely something I need to pay attention to. 

 

I'm hoping that this was an isolated incident and that it was completely related to the fact that I had run fast and hard outside for the first time after spending months inside on the dreadmill.  If nothing else it means that maybe in my excitement of spring and the upcoming race season, I'm possibly working my way towards overtraining just a little bit.  Time to pull out the Kid Rock again and revisit slowing my roll.  After all, it's only March I don't have to be the fastest and strongest...yet (*wink-wink*).  Big Pig isn't until August, and if I'm going to blow out a knee, it's going to be done crossing the finish line of that race...no options, no excuses, no limits...go hard or go home.  It just means that maybe in the meantime I maybe don't go quite so hard :). 

No Breaks

I love LOVE love my role as JP's mom.  There's nothing more important to me in the entire world.  His happiness is my happiness, and his struggles are my struggles...and unfortunately his 8 year old whineness is my biggest frustration some days. 

Oh my darling, wonderful, loves to try to negotiate with me (one of these days he'll learn that's a losing battle) little mini me...you are my world and I love you with all my heart even when you are driving me crazy with the constant complaining about more DS time, or what's for dinner, or what time it is (yes, this is a frequent argument in our house along with what day of the week it is...as if I have any control over it, and as if it's even up for debate...it is what it is, I don't make the rules here kid the universe does), or whether or not the smelly being living in the room next to me needs a shower (the answer is always YES!...he's 8 and he smells).  LOL.

So here's the deal...I love my role as a mom, but sometimes being a single parent is exhausting.  Not gonna lie, it is.  I'm not complaining (not at all!), I'm just stating a fact. 

Weeks that I have my little ADHD bundle of energy with me are full and fast (the time unfortunately flies by) and fun, but there is NO, and I repeat NO breaks and NO downtime.  NONE.  The thing is that when you're a single parent, you are "on" 24/7.  I'm up before he is in the morning, and I'm awake long after he's in bed at night, just trying to stay caught up on laundry, dishes, and cleaning.  There are no breaks in this life and there is no one to call for reinforcements or to help tag team the house work to get it all done in the allotted 24 hours in the day. 

Don't get me wrong, I love (LOVE) my life.  It is what it is and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, and as a matter of fact I would give my life to protect it...but weeks like this, when it's spring break and we are both bouncing off the walls (him without the structure of school that he desperately needs, and me trying to get it all done and still find time to sleep)...oh what I wouldn't give for just a little vacay for me and the boy.  To whisk him away to a lake or water park hotel somewhere, a place where we can have fun and let someone else worry about the laundry, the dishes and the cooking...for just a day or two.  Maybe someday...

Ahhhh, it's good to have dreams...now if you'll excuse me, my laundry just buzzed...  :)

Hypo-gly-what???

According to dictionary.com...

hy·po·gly·ce·mi·a [hahy-poh-glahy-see-mee-uh]:  –noun Pathology ; an abnormally low level of glucose in the blood.

Ok, so this sort of explains everything, yet nothing...it's all pretty much all confusing at the moment.  At some point I knew that my poor eating habits combined with my love of mocha's, manufactured (chocolate) protein shakes, shot blocs, wine and not much else was going to catch up to me...aannnnddd, TAG, I'm it.   I've been caught.  Red handed with my hand in the M&M jar (yes, I do love me some Peanut M&M's) and the low blood sugar to prove it. 

After months of feeling just not myself...not really sick, just not really 100% either, and after the long training weekend in Omaha where I spent 3 days (more than 25 hours) doing intense weightlifting training and certification (probably without the appropriate nutrients to carry me through the sessions), I felt like hell.  No way around it, my body was a complete mess.  One of the benefits of being an endurance runner and triathlete is the ability to push our bodies to their absolute limits and push through the pain an suffering that might result...one of the curses of being an endurance runner and triathlete is the ability to push our bodies to their absolute limits and push through the pain and suffering.  It's a fine line to walk sometimes, but I think it also makes us very aware of our current physical condition most of the time.  It also means that we need to learn to read the warning signs associated with over training, fatigue, and nutrition or hydration issues. 

The week immediately following my intense Omaha training, my body was near a full on shutdown...yeah, I saw the warning signs, I just conveniently ignored them (and yeah, I didn't let it slow me down at all, I kept training and living like nothing was wrong)...bad idea!  I was nauseous, cold, sweating, thirsty, tired, my fingertips were asleep (think pins and needles feeling) all the time, I was hungry, shaky, and cranky...yeah, pretty much at first glance it would appear as if I was pregnant (WTF???...bahahahaha!!...absolutely impossible!!...not even an option unless I'm suddenly Catholic, which I am clearly not...LOL).  Enter the freak out mode and the multiple trips to the doctor...9 vials of blood and 2 fantastic bruises (from where they drew the blood repeatedly from my arms) later, it turns out that I suffer from chronic hypoglyecmia (aka - low blood sugar...ALL the time). 

Most people hear low blood sugar and think, well that's a good thing right?  Generally, I don't think it's necessarily terrible (I'm still researching what this all means), but as with everything, there is a "normal" range with extremes on both sides of the normal.  On the high side of normal, it's diabetes, on the low side of normal it's hypoglycemia.  So what does this mean...ok, here's how it works (as I understand it)...in my body, there is no insulin shut off switch, so once my body starts producing insulin to attempt to process the sugars that I have taken in (hello mocha's, protein shakes, and wine) it doesn't know when to stop so it just keeps producing insulin which drops the blood sugar even lower...which, produces the undesirable side effects mentioned above.  It would appear to be a never ending cycle...unless I change my eating habits, like NOW. 

OK, I get it...I need to start eating again, and not only just eat, I need to really embrace the idea of eating healthy balanced CLEAN meals on a regular basis.  The whole goal now is to level out my blood sugars, and to do that I've been told to embrace a diabetic eating lifestyle.  Lower the carbs, cut out the simple sugars, increase the protein (preferably not in the form of sugary protein shakes) and eat more regularly.  My nurse suggested I eat 6 meals a day, every day (bahahaha!!!!...obviously she didn't know who she was talking to).  At first the thought of going from 0-1 meals a day up to 6 meals a day (yikes!...that's a lot (A LOT!) of freaking food!!!) scared the hell out of me.  For one, there's a lot of planning and preparation involved in that...and second, at first glance, that's a lot of extra calories (and money) to be spent on food.  (My mind immediately went to thoughts of "how can I adjust my workouts to burn more of these calories"...hey, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a work in progress! :))  

I've been trying to eat better now for two weeks, and it's not so bad.  Yeah, it's an adjustment, and yeah at times I'm not a fan of this new lifestyle (I've gained a few pounds going from not eating to eating A LOT, and I am really not happy about this...grrr!), but overall I have to say I am starting to feel better.  I still get the cold sweats whenever I drink a mocha (prolly a sign that I should give those bad boys up, but...eh...again, work in progress here :)), but I'm learning and getting more creative with my eating, and it's really not terrible.  And, aside from the mocha induced cold sweats and occasional sleepy fingertips, all the symptoms have subsided.  I've also been very lucky in that my best buddy and fellow endurance athlete tri-geek Vardo Tri Chic is also chronically hypoglycemic, and my Mr. Incredible friend is Type 1 diabetic, so I've had an amazing support and reference system on both sides of things to help me get started on this slightly healthier path.  (VTC and Mr. Incredible, I really can't thank you two enough for being there for me through this process.  You've listened, offered me suggestions and advice...but mainly you just listened and encouraged me.  Thank you-thank you-thank you!!). 

I wish I could say that this is a temporary thing, but for me this will be a forever condition.  I'm on the right path I think with managing it, it's just going to take some time before I feel completely comfortable with it.  As with all things in my life...it's a work in progress, and I'll be updating my progress with this and how it affects my rather large training and racing goals on here I'm sure.  Stay tuned...   

Final thought: Here's one of the deals with hypoglycemia, it's somewhat genetic.  Both my parents and one of my brothers are also diabetic, so don't think for a minute that me being hypoglycemic wasn't genetic...it was and it is usually a warning sign that Type 2 may be lurking in my future if I don't get this shit under control now (like RIGHT NOW!).  It will be interesting to see how this will work with my training and my racing, but that's what I have VTC for.  If she can handle this with Ironman training, then there's no reason it should slow me down either.  (VTC, you really are an inspiration and a role model!!!  I love ya lady!!!) 

Quote of the Day

"Life is about LIMITS, reaching them, exploring them, exceeding them, or coming to the conclusion that there really aren't any...LIMITS" ~ Ironman

My Fall Into Accidental Meditation

I've written a lot of posts about living life with no fear and no regrets and embracing the gift that each day presents to me, and those are all very good and valid desires in my life.  And while I try to use them as guiding tenets in my life (along with projecting positivity 98% of the time...hey, I'm reserving the right to remain part sarcastic bitch 2% of the time, so what??...I'm a work in progress :)), I am not always successful.  Some days, I will admit, I struggle with it (a lot!). 

Days for instance when the IRS rejects my first tax filing since getting a divorce and would like to suggest to me a $500 (at least) adjustment...in their favor.  Yep, I'll admit I struggled with that little gift.  Or days when, in my own rush to get the laundry done, I carelessly ruin my favorite tech running/race shirt in the wash...(yeah-yeah, it's just a shirt and I've got plenty so really no harm, no foul...lesson learned...maybe I should slow down a little bit occasionally and pay attention to the task at hand rather than multi tasking all the time).  That one kind of bummed me out, but it's not the end of the world.  Or days when the decision must be made between putting gas in the car or buying groceries...hey, it happens sometimes, though thankfully not very often (please, please, please, I do not want pity or anything of the sort, this is just a fact of life sometimes for a single parent living on a single income in a fairly expensive town...life happens, I'm ok with it, it just means there are tough decisions to make occasionally and priorities get rearranged accordingly).  So yeah, it's safe to say that some days I struggle with my desire to be the best and most positive person I can be in the face of what sometimes feels like never ending challenges, but my intentions are always good, always positive and always pure (there's that damn road to hell with it's good intentions), even when I'm struggling. 

A few days ago I was struggling...really (REALLY) really (did I say really???) really struggling.  I was all out certified down in the dumps...Oscar the Grouch style.  I may as well have traded in my sprawling (read: overpriced but beautiful) duplex for a metal garbage can on Sesame Street...seriously!  I was a mess...a certified-crazyass-sad-mad-angry-hotmess...I even broke down a little in the shower (yeah, me!...Ms. Non-girlie/tomboy/positive/happy go lucky/embrace life Me...I broke the phuck down and bawled in the shower...would you like a little plate of embarrassed for dinner?, um, yes please!!! ).  I was feeling scared and confused, but mostly now I realize I was feeling scared and I was letting my fear drive my emotions that day (did someone say "no fear"?...what?...bahahaha!!!...fail!).   

I climbed out of the shower frustrated and exhausted and ready to go to bed...fully prepared to let my emotions guide me into dream land.  So, there I was, laying in bed...wide awake!  UGH!  (Doesn't it always seem to happen that way?...the moments you want to sleep the most are the ones where you can't sleep at all...grrr!). 

Since I couldn't sleep, I just laid there and listened to my breath...like really listened...and I listened...and I listened...and as I listened I heard absolutely nothing and everything all at once, it was all there hidden in my breathing.  After a few moments of this I realized that I was as close as I've ever been to meditating...actual, honest to goodness meditating.  Similar, but not quite like the meditating I get from running or racing and being fully present in the moment of those activities while letting my mind drift off to beautiful places...no this was sort of the same, but completely different. 

I decided to go with it, and I continued to lay there perfectly still and concentrated a little more on nothing (more out of curiosity than anything else I think, I wanted to see what would happen if I played this thing out...if I would find the peace that I've often read about in regards to meditation).  After a few minutes my mind went blank...flat out pure nothingness engulfed me and I was just blank.  WOW!  Hell-O awesomeworld!  Why had I not tried this before??? 

(Side note: it was suggested to me 3 years previously by a personal coach, when I was originally struggling with the decision of whether or not to end my marriage, that I try meditation.  I didn't at the time, but I knew in the back of my mind that I always wanted to, I just didn't know where to start.  Honestly, the whole process seemed kind of overwhelming...I even bought books and dvd's on the subject, but I just never got around to making the time for myself.  CRAP!...apparently, I've been missing out!  This shit is AH-MAZ-ING!  :)). 

After my experiment in accidental meditation I slept...like really really slept.  I slept good and hard that night for the first time in a long time...no tossing and turning and pillow flipping here...and the dreams, OMG, the dreams I had that night were so vivid, in color and full of meaning. I woke up in the morning still on a slight high from the night before...all fully rested, recharged and in a fantastic mood to begin the day.  (Funny too considering how crabby and frustrated I was when I went to bed.) 

Now, I take the time to meditate every night for about 10 minutes before I go to bed (I'm even working on creating a designated meditation spot in my currently empty 3rd bedroom, away from the distractions of laundry, and the computer, and the TV and the phone...just me surrounded by pictures of my boy and all the things that mean the most to me in life).  It's so far been a very rewarding experience.  I've slept better than I have in months (maybe even years!) and my dreams...WOW!  It's almost like the act of meditation allows my subconscious mind to really open up and allow my dreams to flow freely, and since we all know I'm a strong believer in dreams and their meanings, it has given me the opportunity to really see some things in my life much more clearly from a different perspective.  I think I may have finally stumbled upon the practice of regular meditation...by complete accident.  :)

The Hat Trick

"The art of life is constant readjusting to your surroundings" ~ Kazuko Okokaura

 

Damn it...I think I changed again!  I swear, just about the time I think I have it all figured out something in me shifts a little more and I discover some new hidden layer of myself, my personality, and my desires and needs. 

 

This is not at all a bad thing, it's just more of an inner awakening that is bringing me that much closer to truly being ONE with myself.  It just never ceases to take me by surprise whenever it does happen though.  There is never any warning and it's usually not a gradual thing.  Its more of a instantaneous moment that happens suddenly, like a light switch gets flipped and BAM there I am staring at myself in the glaring fluorescent light of my inner consciousness.  (Guess that's why they probably call it a light bulb moment huh??  LOL :))

 

This particular light bulb moment happened the other day when I donned a new baseball hat...suddenly, just like that a new version of me appeared.  I felt slightly darker and more mysterious...I had new found sass and confidence (ok, I've always been sassy, but this was a new level of "don't mess with me, I'm in complete control, bad ass kind of sass", and OMG I liked it...no-no, I LOVED it!...oh baby, watch the phuck out :))...I felt like I could conquer the world.  (I mean, yeah...I'm all about "no fear" and "go hard or go home", but when it comes to conquering the world, normally I prefer to leave that up to the professional superhero's...I'm just a struggling single mom triathlete trying to do the best for my boy and keep life rollin along happily and smoothly for both of us, superhero I am most definitely not. :))

 

Truth is, I've always had a thing for hats, especially baseball hats (duh, I'm a tomboy remember...hats are pretty much a staple in my wardrobe...wake up in the morning and need to run to the store, throw on a hoodie and a baseball hat and go...racing a tri with wet hair, throw a tech hat on in T2 and you're good to go...hair too short for a ponytail, there's a hat for that...and I've got a hat for every occasion).  Plus, I loves me a boy who knows how to properly rock a baseball hat (big surprise, I know...hardy har-har!), they're all dark and mysterious...it draws me in and makes me want to learn more about the person wearing them.  Actually, thinking back on it now, the most important guy influences in my life have known how to properly rock baseball hats...Mr. Incredible, rocks em trucker style...my fireman friend, rocks em rustic worn-in mountain man style...ALL my unhealthy obsessions, rock em Xtreme and/or true rocker style...heck even my little JP rocks a baseball hat all proper kid like and it's downright adorable.  What can I say?  I guess I love hats. 

 

So, I kind of figured that once I took the hat off at the end of the day that I would go back to being just plain old normal me again, but no.  Seems like the hat did the trick and I think this new layer of sassy me is around to stay.  I'm slightly more outspoken (if that's even possible! :)), and for the first time I'm not afraid to really start to share who I really am.  Yeah-yeah...it's all very trivial and silly, but I've finally made it FB official that I'm a smart ass Buddhist with a leaning towards the Law of Attraction way of  thinking (see, silly!)...BUT, it really doesn't matter if it IS silly, because to me that's significant.  Because, it finally means that maybe I kind of don't care who sees it or what they might think of me...it's just me being me, and if I can accept it, then you should too, and if you can't well then I'm sorry, but... *shrug*...and I have my hat to thank for that.  This is me, whatcha see is whatcha get...hat's, sass, smile, unhealthy addictions and all. 

 

"If you don't create change, change will create you" ~ Unknown

Bustha Rhymes - Don't Touch Me (Travis Barker Remix)

More Travis Barker beating the hell out of his drums cuz I'm still in awe (serious awe!...and maybe a little in love :)) and I've always loved Busta...but this is a whole new level.  To steal a comment from the youtube community, "it's like Busta made this song for Travis"...no shit!  Seriously, SICK! 

 

"Don't touch me...ya might burn yourself"...(yeah, cuz I'm just that damn hot too...haha, not really, I'm just playin!  Travis on the other hand...*drool*  :))

 

Unhealthy obsession #4...yep, coming right up! 

travis barker low remix (with sound i promise u)

HOLY PHUCKING SHIT!!!!!  I'm speechless! 

Ok, so aside from the fact that I think Travis and all his tattoos are hardcore hot, I'm in absolute awe of his obvious passion for playing the drums.  WOW!!!  There really are no words...it's just amazing!  I'm pretty sure I kind of love it! 

(Full disclosure: I can't even tell you what happened the first time I stumbled on this...and I'm not sure I care to...just holy phucking shit, WOW!!!  WTH?!?!  Told ya all, I can appreciate ALL kinds of music...aaannndd I've watched it like a hundred times...still leaves me speechless, which is pretty hard to do. :))

...just wait until you see the next one... to be continued...

Lil Wayne feat. Framing Hanely - Lollipop (Rock Remix)

Gee thanks Faction...day two with a song stuck in the head.  LOL.  Just sharing the stuck in the head kind of love. 

 

I love a little rap/metal mash-up, and have always liked the Framing Hanley version of this song...but the vid is pretty lame (sorry Framing Hanley), however this mash-up between the original Lil Wayne video and the Framing Hanley video is pretty cool.  Good silly Friday fun!  Enjoy! 

 

(Listen and try to get it out of your head...I've been humming this all freaking day...you're welcome :))

Travis Pastrana jumps 269 feet in rally car! (HD!)

More Travis Pastrana...the guy is AMAZING (and hot)!!!  Seriously, the car pretty much flies!!!  NUTS!!! 

Again, what can I say, I love all the hardcore Xtreme sports guys. I'm an adrenaline junkie, and these guys know how to get their adrenaline on with serious style.  HOTT!!!!

Travis Pastrana Double Backflip

When I say "go hard or go home" this is pretty much what I mean!!!  I'm a big fan of all things X Games and Xtreme sports.  All the X boys know how to go hard and that's pretty much amazing...and hot!  :) 

(yeah so I have a thing for boys who like to go extreme...I also like good hands, hoodies, baseball hats, some facial hair, tattoos, dark eyes, brown hair, etc...so what?? LOL  :))

TOXIC (Britney Spears) - Metal Version By A Static Lullaby-Lyrics

Happy Thursday!!!  I heard this on my way to work (thanks Faction!...loves me my Sirius Radio :)) and um, yep now it's pretty much been stuck in my head all freaking day (the actual video is even better, but YouTube said it was unavailable for sharing *sad face*)...enjoy!  

(hed) p.e. - Represent

Cuz it's Friday and "I don't give a WHAT"!?!?  Turn it up, get excited, and have a fantastic day!!!  Do what you want to do...do what you need to do...live your life to the fullest.  Get your drink on, let your hair down, and have a little fun!  In other words, "make a choice...make a choice"...we all have choices, what are you going to choose to do today to make it amazing???  :)

(Note: I know this is a pretty hard core and politically undertoned song...that's not really the point of this post....I just like to play it loud and get excited to start a day.  Plus, it's one of my new running/riding songs..."let's ride, never ever say die"...oh hell yes!!!  Cuz giving up is just not an option in my world.  Go hard or go home!!!  Also note that this is the extremely edited version of this song...the other version kicks serious ass, however it is no where near appropriate for this blog...and yeah, that's saying A LOT!!!  You can find it on YouTube...Hed Pe Represent (Dirty)...warning though, it's seriously dirty :)). 

Memories...My Best 2010 RAGBRAI Adventure

So there's this bar called Beaver's...oh yes, it's seriously called Beaver's!  Period. End of story cuz that's pretty much amazing!  (Ok, there's more to this story, but I swear to God/Buddha/Hed Pe that it all starts at a bar called Beaver's...well, this portion of the story does, there's a whole back story and a hell of a lot of other adventures that lead up to this, but I'm only sharing this one). 

It happened by accident (HA!)...or prolly not really.  Maybe more of a coincidence...*shrug*...yeah, I doubt that either.  I knew he was going to be "there" (no not at the bar, but in the general area...you have to be familiar with RAGBRAI to understand this), and he knew I was going to be around the area at some point that night.  Through the advent of modern technology (aka-texting) we were both fairly aware of our locational situations for the evening and miraculously "bumped into" each other outside of Beaver's. 

Suddenly, through a sea of people, walking right in front of Beaver's, there he was...my hot fireman friend (and he even brought me a beer, cuz he's awesome like that!...he really is!...our affair may have failed miserably, but he's still a great guy and a good friend...I would want him in my corner and on any team). 

Neither one of us had "plans" for the night and when he discovered that my only (sorta but not really, *wink*) plan was to sleep in my Jeep, he being an absolute gentleman (hey, he's a fireman for a reason, it's part of his DNA!), wouldn't hear of it.  Suddenly, I was partying the night away with the awesome crew from Team _______ (oh, no way in hell am I giving out that information...are you kidding, the minute I do that, there are people who will know who my anonymous hot friend is...I don't think so Charlie!...he knows who he is, and I know who he is, and that's all that matters). 

We spent most of the night listening to the Nada's, sharing beers, and laughing (dude's got some seriously funny ass stories...things happen to this guy that just do not happen to normal people...it's not right, but it's phucking hilarious!)...he can make me laugh like no one else. 

Several hours, and several beer's later, we are ushered away from downtown Beavertown (I don't remember the town's actual name, so I'm making it up in reference to the bar...whatever! :)) and told to go find our "campsite".  No problem.  My friend is taking care of me, I've got a place to sleep and am in good (GOOD!) hands...it's all good. 

Now, just a little bit of background on my friend is that he's insanely (INSANELY!) outdoorsy...the man hunts, camps and backpacks in the wilderness on a regular basis...so when he tells me he knows how to get to the Team _________'s campsite, I don't question this!!!  Why would I???  He has a freaking compass built into his super duper outdoorsy nothing can possibly break my swiss army carbon fiber phone....seems reasonable that he knows the way back to the bus (maybe he just doesn't drink much on his camping/fishing/hunting adventures...IDK). 

For whatever reason (we got lost) we ended up in a cemetery (because we were lost, at 1 in the morning in the sprawling metropolis of Beavertown...sweet!).  I think we even discussed trying to find my Jeep, then using the said Jeep to find the campsite, but again we were lost...at 1 in the morning...in a cemetery in Beavertown Iowa...and um yeah, at that point I had NO IDEA where we were in relation to where Karma (yes my Jeep's name is Karma, what of it?) was parked, plus I kind of had to pee (at least we still had beer...loves me a boy who wears cargo shorts, they're so handy for carrying things, like beer :)).  From there we backtracked about a half a mile before we realized that we walked right by the campsite, not once, but twice (thanks Jaeger for allowing us to remain so clear headed!...I still had no clue how I was going to find Karma in the morning, but I wasn't too worried about it, Beavertown is pretty tiny...I think...I hope... :)).   

For the record, this is NOT your average RAGBRAI campsite!!!  NO!!!  It's someones giant freaking house, with TWO Team _________ buses parked out front, complete with a porta potty in the driveway.  Fucking hell...it was AMAZING!!!!  (Not sure how we really walked by it twice and didn't notice it!...again, thanks Jaeger and Mr. Miller!)  And, no one else was really camping out...nope, they were all cozy inside the house.  Only WE decided to pitch a tent (yeah, cuz that's not obvious at all...haha! :)).  For me, it was the first time I ever "slept" in a tent, and I gotta say, I have no complaints!  The night exceeded all my expectations, and will go down as one of my top 10 in history (for a lot of very different reasons)!  Waking up in the morning to the sun shining in the top of the tent was pretty cool too.  (And those are the only details I'm going to give out...use your imagination for the rest! ;))

Morning came way too soon!  And as quickly and miraculously as the Beaver bar RAGBRAI adventure started, it was over.  Just like that.  I had to find my Jeep (ended up being a 2 mile walk of shame away...oh yes, almost like college only better and slightly more humiliating being in my 30's!) and get onto the end town to pick up my friends, and he had to climb back on the bike for a final leg of riding to meet the Mississippi river.  He promised to call later that night (fail!)...and I promised him I didn't care if he did (fail!).  Guess we both broke our promises...you'll have that sometimes.  It was all good. 

Turns out, our time was up (that was one of our last adventures together)...but it was a really good time while we had it, and I wouldn't trade my RAGBRAI adventure for anything (well, maybe a just one thing...but I'm not telling what it is).  I will tell you this though, I'm looking forward to RAGBRAI 2011 and lots more tent time!!!  (What???...I'm riding the whole week with Team Deathrace, my own RAGBRAI crew, and I'm bound to have to sleep in a tent at some point, I just may or may not be alone...*shrug*...hey, I'm a single girl, I've got options :)).

Boys Rule...

...Girls Drool!

That's right, I drool for boys.  I'm not ashamed to admit this.  I can absolutely appreciate everything about the opposite sex, and as a single 30-something year old female, I see nothing wrong with it.  The human body in general is beautiful.  Heck, sometimes I prolly even drool for girls (yeah, I've been know to have girl crushes...Jolene VanVugt, what???...seriously, if you haven't already, check her out!!!!...I posted her ESPN vid body shoot in an earlier blog...smokin ripped chic, AH-MA-ZING!!!...I even have her pic on my fridge for inspiration...see, total girl crush!)...I've never acted on them, but all around I have mad respect for the human body.  It's a remarkable thing. 

Part of being single includes dating (scary!).  Aside from Mr. Incredible and my (hot) affair with Mr. Fireman (who I actually ran into today, out and about...yep, son of a bitch, he's still hot...that man will forever be able to look at me and I will melt into putty in his hands...crap!!!!) I've mentioned very little about my dating (aka-flirting) life.  (Side note: I call it flirting, because sometimes you don't need to actually "date"...sometimes its fun as hell to just flirt and build friendships with cool ass guys...it never has to go anywhere, but I've found flirting to be almost more fun than dating...again, just my opinion.)

Up to this point, I've not mentioned my dating life much because; 1) I don't think it's really overly exciting (I could be wrong, but I'm just living my life, chillin and being me...nothing too earth shattering, however there are some really good stories and insane adventures, but I haven't decided if I'm going to share them on here or not...hehe, just thinking about them makes me giggle and smile!!!!...good shit bitches, good freaking shit!!!...ok, I'll work on sharing some of the best ones...RAGBRAI was fun and is definitely worth mentioning  :)), 2) out of  respect for myself and my past and potential dates, some things are better left private, and 3) because my mom reads this blog too.  (However, my mom was also a single mom once too, so I'm pretty sure that nothing about my world is going to be too shocking to her.)

But yes, for the record, I do date (very rarely, and not really much since spending time with Mr. Incredible...what can I say, he was incredible and he set my dating standards pretty high :)) and like to go out and meet people when I can.  I've actually met a lot of great friends through the dating world...and I've tried every form of dating possible.  I've done the Match.com thing, the bar thing, the friends of friends thing, and even the Facebook thing...it's all good.  I've got no complaints.  Except that, I'm sorta suddenly feeling kind of over all of it.  Right now I'm most content just chillin out with my boy and my friends and figuring out who I am.  That's not to say that I wouldn't maybe date if the opportunity came up (I'm a strong believer in Karma, so I'm never going to say no or never to what the universe offers me...and I do miss boy kisses...mmm, mmm, good), I just don't seem to have the same ambition or zest that I did when I first entered the big bad world of dating.  It sort of baffles me and surprises me at the same time. 

Maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm getting older...OR MAYBE (just maybe), I'm finally cool with just being me, and maybe I'm selfishly living my life my way, and maybe I'm ok with that.  I've never been in more control of my life than right now, and I've honestly never been more content with my world than right now.  Don't get me wrong, I still have a big ass heart that I would love to share with the right guy, but if he takes his time coming around, then I can be cool with that too...I'm suddenly in no hurry.  I know what I want, and I'm willing to wait to make sure I get it right this time.  In the meantime though, boys will still rule, and I will still drool...and that will prolly never change.  :)

Water, Consciousness & Intent: Dr. Masaru Emoto

WOW!!!  Absolutely amazing and inspiring...a scientific study of the impact of positive and negative words on water in it's crystallized form.  Scientific proof that words count...and positive words count even more!  If words can have this much affect on water, and our bodies are 60 some percent water content then think of the impact that words can have on us as human beings.  That old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me"...I think maybe we need to rethink it!  Words are significant and powerful.  What affect would your words have on water?