Daily Horoscope (with Pink :))

Here's today's horoscope for us bulls...

You're living in a fast paced world, Taurus.  For many people today, it seems like the world is spinning out of control.  Not just because of the presence of war and hunger, conflict and pollution, and son on, but also because we all move at such a fast pace with lesser quality of life.  You're especially sensitive to this, Taurus.  That may be why you have lost touch with some of your intuitive abilities.  You're now sensing something.  It may be a guidance toward something you want or something you should avoid.  It may be insight about a new person in your world.  It could be many things.  Tune in to it and listen.  It won't lead you wrong. 

Hmmm, very interesting...(my dreams again do seem to be quite vivid lately, wonder what it all means)...very interesting indeed. 

Then again, it's just a horoscope and some dreams...could mean lots of different things or it could mean nothing at all...that's just the way these things work.  They sure make me think though sometimes, and anything that reminds me think a little more about myself and the world around me is perfectly ok with me. 

As for the world spinning out of control...I couldn't agree more.  Not my world in particular (no, my personal world is perfectly OK :)), but the world in general seems to be filled with so much hate and conflict...and I really can't say it better than Pink.  Really, this is one of the most amazingly beautifully powerful songs..."we hate to fast and love to slow"...seems to be the way of the world lately, unfortunately.  




Ya-ya...I'm on a Pink kick lately (seems to be like that doesn't it, we get hooked on one particular genre or artist for a while until something else trips our ear...yeah, I'm guilty). I've been listening to her live stuff and gotta say I like her better live. Anyway, check this one out if you wish...very very powerful words!!!  (And check out her abs...she's freaking ripped!!)

Final thought:  another really powerful song by her is Mr. President (written during the Bush days)...YouTube it if you want, it's incredibly moving.  (Ok, now I'll try to lay off the Pink for a while :)).

14.Pink - ''Trouble'' ( Live in Australia ).

Ok, one more cuz she's just so adorable (and by adorable I mean HOT)...and yeah, I'm most definitely trouble!! Ya all beware. :)

(Hehe!! Seriously, I'm not joking.  I've been called "Trouble" as a nickname according to one particular friend.  He was right, I am trouble (at times...ok, A LOT of the time...hehe! :)), but he was sorta trouble too.  I really don't mind the "Trouble" nickname though.  It really does fit me, for many many many reasons.  Just ask my friend...trouble I say!!!  :))

13.Pink - ''Crystal Ball'' ( Live in Australia ).

Ok, first I have to say, I love Pink...she's definitely worthy of a girl crush in my book. She's beautiful and sassy (and veggie!) and makes me miss my short blonde hair for sure. (Maybe homeslice will be getting herself a new haircut...I'll post pick of both me with long and short hair and you all can pick for me...deal?!?!)  Plus, pink is my favorite color and uh oh yeah, DUH, lets not forget the fact that she gets to sleep next to Carey Hart every night!!!  (Prolly one of the hottest men EVER!!!...*drool*...wait?...what the hell was I talking about?...sorry, my mind just took a little vacay there. ;))

So, I've mentioned before that I don't have a crystal ball in life, nor do I need or want one.  I don't know what's going to happen or what's going to come next, I just have to try to trust in the universe I guess (see today's earlier post about that particular challenge lately...work in progress remember, I can't be perfect all the time!...LOL :)).  Most days I try to take a deep breath and just trust...trust whatever is going to come next...(it's really not as easy as it sounds!)...

Besides, chances are that even if I had a crystal ball...there would be several cracks in it (again, I'm not perfect all the time...I'm full of misadventures and experiences worthy of a few crystal ball cracks), and I'm definitely "learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes", because really aren't all mistakes beautiful in the end?!  I kinda think they are. 

Shit, I'm still making mistakes (almost daily) on this journey, but regrets...nah, not so much anymore.  My mistakes are my own, and I take responsibility for them, but I don't regret them, because they are beautiful...each and every one of them in their own way.  No, I don't need a crystal ball..."and I'm not scared at all"... :) 

Incubus - Drive

This is the song as the video I posted earlier, but I would like to point out his lovely arm tattoo and yummy body.

Sorry, sometimes I just can't help being a girl about things, and hot boys are...well, hot!!...and I'm bound to point it out...it's a gift (really, no need to thank me...LOL). I'm quite talented actually in pointing out the obvious in life (and hot boys :)) when I see it. :)

Incubus - Drive (with lyrics)

Here's the deal...I'm a control freak, and I try like hell to trust in the universe and the people that I allow into my world and my heart, but sometimes (all the time!) I tend to over analyze things and sometimes (really only sometimes) I get overly cautious in a way that can actually shut me out from the people who I'm trying to let in.  Other times however, I'm completely spontaneous and throw caution to the wind for a live in the moment of feel good bliss...go figure.  (Hey, I've told ya before I'm a walking contradiction...hello major contradiction!) 

This whole meditation thing and trusting in the universe isn't always easy...especially when it's the control over my life (and possibly my heart) I'm giving up, but I was reminded again recently, that I cannot let the fear drive...it's not healthy or productive.  It makes me frustrated and sad, and it always (ALWAYS) backfires on me...then I heard the Incubus song and I couldn't help but add it here...it completely fits with my day. 

I do feel better when I take control over the fear, but then I really feel the best when I release that fear into the universe and let it (the universe) take control and take care of me (yeah, sometimes I like to be taken care of...so what?...I'm not ashamed to admit it...I can still be a tough badass tomboy chic and let people take care of me every once in a while).  However, sometimes I think I just need a gentle or subtle reminder that it's ok to give up control...ok, maybe not so subtle would work best for me.  I'm a stubborn bull, so sometimes I only see what I want to see, and subtle and me...not so much worky worky together.  Usually a baseball bat of honesty and information to the head is a better way to get the point across to us stubborn bulls...just sayin. :)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I turned 36 on Friday.  Yep, I turned 36.  Not sure how I really feel about that quite honestly, but for some reason the song..."it's my party and I'll cry if I want to", keeps popping into my head. 

Yeah, your damn right I'm gonna cry if I want to...no party needed here, just a good old fashioned cry sometimes.  Holy shit, I'm turning 36 and apparently I have a lot to cry about (not really...keep reading, you'll see what I mean :)).  I could have cried for a variety of reasons...the good, the bad and the ugly.  Literally!! 

The Good...

• I cried on the morning of my birthday when my dad called me for the first time in almost 17 years (by my estimation!)...tears of joy I say...tears of absolute overwhelming joy!!!  (I've missed having him and my family in my life and I was reminded on a day that I didn't want to celebrate, how truly lucky I really am!)
• I didn't cry as much as laughed (and smiled) and laughed some more...the good kind of laughter (the kind that comes from my belly and makes my crow's feet stand out...more on that later), when I found myself chillin on a whim on my friends couch being licked to death by the world's most awesome dog!  Good times!!!!  
• I laughed my ass off when I found myself chillin with my family at my sister's place getting "the business" by her dog Ugga (a pure bread American Bulldog who had NOT been fixed)...he's a very happy boy and likes to share his love and make new friends...by humping them (however, this is probably not very different from guys in general, no matter what the species...I think the male motto in life is "let's be friends and hump"...I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it, haha :)). 
• I cried when my mom and I had a serious heart to heart discussion over our differences (while she was helping me pick out a kick ass Android phone for my birthday...yay, Angry Birds!!!...stupid angry little fuckers are a serious time suck, but they're so cute and fun...and Facebook goes mobile...sheeat, I may never have to leave my bed for any reason :)).  Tears of relief and joy.  Our recently deteriorating relationship was largely a product of poor communication, and now that we're back on the same page...tears of overwhelming joy filled me again. 
• I cried when I picked up my boy from school for my scheduled weekly custody switch...tears of happiness, love, joy and hugs for sure!!!  The best kind of tears I've ever found.  My heart was full full full!!!!!!  So full, it leaked a little out my eyes.  My boy returned the favor by throwing his arms around me in a big hug, then he gave me a wink and wished me happy birthday...BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!!!!!! 

The Bad...

• Ok, seriously I got nothin...maybe a bit of a sour stomach from rich food overindulgence on the eve of my birthday (cherry cheesecake goes straight to the thighs, what???), but that's all I can think of for the bad.  If I really think about it, things with me are pretty darn good (see the list above for confirmation).  Sure, there have been a few speed bumps here and there over the past year, but what journey doesn't have potholes. 

The Ugly...

• I mentioned the crow's feet right...yeah, turning 36 isn't without it's share of personal physical changes.  There's the slower metabolism, the slight loss of muscle definition, no matter how much I try to fight it, the achy joints, and let's not forget the saggy boobs (we must NEVER forget the gravitational pull of life on our body parts...screw you Issac Newton, you suck!)

Yeah, I could have spent the day (and I could probably spend the entire year) crying over spilt milk, saggy boobs and things in my life that have touched me emotionally over the past year, but honestly, I'm just not really a crier (unless my boy's involved, then for some reason the tears come on a whim without fail).  I'm a laugher and a smiler.  Most of the time if something touches me, I'm so darn tickled from the inside that burst into laughter (or a huge ass smile).  I've been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it's prolly true, only no matter what's going on in my world, my heart is almost always filled with joy, so that's what's on my sleeve.  I've also been told that sometimes I smile too much...really????...is this even possible??

In the end, turning 36...not so bad after all.  I have a feeling that it's going to be a kick ass year!!  I'm surrounded by amazing people and friends who always keep my heart full.  I plan on laughing and smiling from ear to ear all year long.  If 40 is the new 30, then 36 must be the new 26...works for me.  :)

BONK!!!

Well, ain't that just flippin craptastic!!!  35 miles into a 67 mile ride and I bonk...HARD!!!  Apparently, just building the wall for me to hit wasn't enough...I decided to start a full on MMA brawl with the wall.  (What???...I've taken boxing...I'm a super tuff chic and I'll fight a wall if I want to.)  15 miles later and I was officially done...not quite dead (no that would come later in the evening), but Mother Nature put a fork in me cuz I was done.  Lesson learned!

So, what the hell just happened??

Once again, it all comes back to diet and nutrition for me.  Physically from a muscular standpoint I'm more than capable of handling the mileage, but physically from a nutritional standpoint I'm still a mess.  Maybe not the certified hot mess that I was a few months ago when I first received my hypoglycemia diagnosis, but I've still got some work to do. 

Since the re-entry of hypoglycemia into my life I've been working hard and diligently to get my eating habits under control (remember, I'm a control freak...so this I can totally embrace...hello new challenge!), but sometimes I still struggle with how much to eat and I sometimes find myself counting calories and making deals with myself using food as a reward...saying yes, to a Starbucks pumpkin scone, means skipping the mid morning snack and post workout beer for the day.  I'm not afraid to admit it, I still have food issues...I'm a work in progress, however I'm now up against a four month time clock.  Time for me to pick up the pace on the progress Ima thinkin. 

As a part of the hypoglycemia process, I've started eating small meals (snacks really) every 2 to 3 hours throughout the day to attempt to keep my blood sugar level, and I have also re-embraced the philosophy of becoming vegetarian again.  (Since going veggie, I honestly haven't felt better!!...no longer am I taking a life just to feed my face, and it's forcing me to focus on more nutritionally balanced choices...that's just good Karma all the way around in my opinion. :))  These little changes have made a HUGE impact in on how I feel and function in my daily life, HOWEVER, they are apparently not enough to keep me going the way I need them to during my athletic life. 

Mr. I said it best to me (as I was freaking out 6+ hours after the bonk when I stood up and fell because I suddenly couldn't feel my legs and the room was spinning faster than the Silly Silo at Adventureland)...he said, "if you're gonna train hard, you need to eat hard".  Crap!...of course he's right (when isn't he?!...LOL :)).  I didn't plan to feel like shit, or get to the point where my body was basically paralyzed from the waist down, I actually planned rather well I thought and took quite a few (by my estimation) calories along with me for the ride, BUT I didn't think to build up what what already in the tank before we left.  Another thing that Mr. I kindly pointed out to me..."prolly should eat more before you ride"...gee, ya think?!?!...darn him for being right all the time (JK, T...you know how much I appreciate your knowledge, support and input!).  Guess I just had to learn the hard way.  Here's really what happened...

When our (VTC, VTC's husband, and a bunch of other Team Vardo friends) wheels started rolling at 11 am last Sunday, I felt great!!!  I'd been eating clean and veggie and ultra healthy (by my standards) for a couple of weeks, and I thought for sure I was in a good place to take on a really really (did I say really?) long ride.  (First big BIG...phucking HUGE...one of the season...with rain/sleet looming on the horizon and all of us bundled up under cold cloudy April in Iowa sky's, we were all thrilled to just be back outside again instead of in the cycle dungeon of doom on our trainers...never mind the 17-20 mph wind that kept switching direction :)).  I had eaten my normal everyday breakfast and mid morning snack (which is incidentally my standard pre-race breakfast routine...I will prolly need to revisit this if I'm going to go long...what works for a Sprint, is NOT going to fly at a 70.3...but that's for later).  I felt perfectly normal and with a 3+ hour ride ahead of me I was just super excited to get the wheels rollin. 

VTC hooked me up with some Hammer Perpeteum to drink (basically thick, sugar free, all natural, liquid-ish, slush like calories) in Orange Vanilla, and I had packed a pancake sandwich that had all natural PB and Agave Nectar tucked in it.  I was set and ready for the road and the 45 miles ahead of me...(yep, I thought we were only going 45 miles, the 67 I learned about as we were at the mile 32 turnaround point was kind of a surprise to me...strategically done by VTC to get me out of my head, but a bit of a shock none the less)...ready-set-roll!!

It's no secret that I'm not yet the worlds strongest biker...Lance Armstrong I am not, and honestly I'm probably not even qualified or experienced enough to ride with his kids...but, I'm learning and I'm committed to getting better.  To get better it's just going to take more dedicated time to being in the saddle with my wheels on the road.  (Side note: I really need to invest in some seriously good bike short and Woo Hoo Ride Glide to protect my girlie parts...tri shorts, while great for racing...not so much cut out for long long LONG rides...just sayin...ouch!!...goddamnmotherphuckerOUCH! :)). 

Heading straight east on E29 I did ok keeping up with the group and felt I was holding my own, however I was focusing so much on keeping my cadence up over 90 and pushing with my very powerful and well rounded ass (not my quads...I mean hey, if I've got it, I may as well use it :)) and keeping up with everyone that I wasn't taking in calories like I should have.  VTC was good to yell at me whenever she thought I needed it, but by the time we were rolling through the hills of Marshall county, I knew I needed to stop and rest...and eat!!!  Only, there was never really an opportune time to stop and rest and there was certainly nowhere to eat.  (We passed by 4 towns and not a single one of them had a gas station...and what the hell is up with all the weird farms in Marshall County???...seriously, we saw dead horses, lama's, an ostrich, and were even chased by goats...yes, goats!!...wtf?!?!?!...that's just not right...and doesn't anyone there ever need gas or a pop?...geesh!...screw you Marshall County, I'm going home!)

The road kept on going and I kept on pedalling, however much much slower with each passing mile.  I could literally feel the drain happening internally.  All I wanted was the opportunity to just pull off the side of the road for about 10 minutes to puke and take a quick nap in a ditch.  (Remember, I'm a simple girl with simple needs...I'll sleep anywhere, and at that moment a ditch would have been fine with me.)  But, I kept going and pushing.  I was past the point of no return, and my body started revolting.  Any attempts I made to take in my Perpeteum resulted in me feeling more nauseous than I was before, and trying to ride in aero to relieve some pressure off my girlie parts intensified the puke feeling.  (Ya-ya, I'm a huge fan of puke pace when running, but puke feeling on the bike...BAD-BAD-BAD!!!!) 

At mile 50 we finally rolled into a town with a gas station (in Story County...home turf!!), and stopped for a long overdue and much needed rest.  Bring on the Red Bull, or Dt. Mt. Dew as the case ended up being, and food...oh wait, never mind...no food for me...blah!!!  With at least another 15 miles to go and the rain/sleet clouds looming closer, I called it in.  I was done.  I knew for a fact that there was probably not a good chance that I would be able to make it home on two wheels before I passed out.  I hitched a ride (called my dad actually who was happy to come rescue me...dad's are pretty awesome like that!), and made it home in time to shower and get ready for dinner and beers with Mr. I (yeah, pretty sure I shouldn't be driving in this condition either, let alone 25 miles away...fail!!..again, something came up and we had to reschedule, which was probably ok considering my physical state). 

I did finally eat some dinner (thanks VTC and VTC's hubby!) and was resting comfortably at home when all hell broke lose with my body and the adrenaline wore off and physical stress of the day took it's full effect.  I must have passed out at some point because I woke up in a haze with the room spinning...when I tried to stand up, my legs weren't there (literally...I think some little elf came and stole my legs, fucker!!!...I was pissed!!), only they were there, I just couldn't feel them or make them function.  I was suddenly trapped on my bedroom floor with a sweatshirt for a pillow and my cell phone.  So what does any other girl in my situation do??...yep, I called up an expert.  (No, not really...I texted Mr. I and he was sweet and gracious enough to calm me down and talk me through it...have I mentioned he's an expert on blood sugar issues, well he sort of is, and I'm so grateful for his knowledge and kindness and patience with me as I navigate some of these new situations...he's also crazy athletic, or he used to be, so when it comes to eating well for both blood sugar and physical intensity, he totally gets it and has some great ideas to share...thanks T!!!)  After a while, I was finally able to crawl back up into my bed and sleep it off...lesson learned!!! 

Up to this point in my life I've always raced short distance triathlons.  I like the short hard intense effort, plus there's a little comfort there knowing that I can handle my nutritional needs with almost anything that a sprint course can dish out.  While the short stuff is intense and requires an awful lot of endurance and training, this going long business is a different kind of endurance all together.  I've come a long way and am making progress every day, but I've still got a long way to go (and only 4 months to get there...yikes!).   As I prepare for this half ironman distance triathlon, I now know what my biggest obstacle will be...the 5th event of triathlon (after the swim, bike, run and transitions)...nutrition!  Yep, Mr.I definitely said it best when he said, "if you're gonna train hard, you need to eat hard".  Bring on the pizza and beer I guess, because carb loading for Pigman (in August) begins now!!!  Haha!!  Not really, but you can still bring the pizza and beer and you'll get no complaints from me.   :)

Landslide Cover by The Smashing Pumpkins Lyrics

Heard this song today on my way to work yesterday and remembered why I love the Smashing Pumpkins. (What???...I'm a product of the 90's, yeah so?!?!) Great remake in my opinion.

I'm approaching my 36th birthday very quickly, and this had me thinking about getting older, and my fears, and all the changes I've encountered in the past couple years.  And listening to this, I can't help but smile a little. 

Yep, I AM getting older (holy shit...Ima be 36 next week...mid life crisis say what??)...and JP is getting older (I swear my lil man grows 2 inches every week he's not with me...kinda makes a momma sad some days, kinda makes me proud too)...and I have been afraid of changing or losing myself in this process (not so much anymore though, I've realized recently that I'm actually more aware of myself and comfortable with who I am now than ever before)...and I definitely wonder sometimes what is love and if it's out there or not (and if it is out there what the hell am I even supposed to do with it?!?! LOL :)).  Yep, I heard this and it made me smile...because I kinda feel like I've survived the landslide.  *Shrug*...or it's just a really good 90's remake, and music makes me smile.  :)

Tracy Bonham - Mother Mother

So, I'm a product of the 90's and I kind of love this song.  It's actually the ringtone for my mom on my phone...hehe!!! I LOVE IT!!! It's pretty much a perfect representation of our relationship. I tell her what she wants to hear and hope she buys it.  "Life is perfect, never better...still you're daughter, still the same".  Love ya mom!!!

PS - Hey Mom, you can relax a little ok?  I'm good. 

Nitro Circus Live - World First - Special Greg - Special Flip

This is why I LOVE these extreme sports guys!!! They do crazy shit that's absolutely amazing!!! I'm a dare devil and I know how to go hard or go home, and when I race tris, I go all out...but this...THIS, is sickness! I'm not sure if it came down to it if I'd even have to guts to ride the ramp, let alone do what these crazy mofo's do! I bow to their greatness for sure. I have mad love and respect for the entire Nitro Circus crew! Just WOW!!!!