The Dating Game

I've mentioned it on here before, I am a very loving girl.  I love everyone in my life on some level, and sometimes, when I'm lucky enough, I meet someone who I think deserves a little more love than the rest.  I've been that lucky a few times in my life, once kind of recently. 

It's scary, after going through a long unpleasant divorce experience to open your heart to someone and offer it to them not knowing if they are going to accept it and be kind and gentle with it or if they are just going to let it lay there in the open exposed to the elements.  I took a chance...and unfortunately was left feeling a little exposed.  Sure, he was kind and gentle about it and let me down easy...I would expect nothing less from him, he is after all the most incredible guy I'd ever met (so far, maybe there's still something out there :)), but the sting and the pain are still the same none the less. 

In the process of dating the worlds most incredible guy, I made so many mistakes and lost sight of myself on several occasions.  I listened to other peoples advice about how to play the dating game, because after all newly divorced girl (after 13 years of marriage) had no idea about the dating world other than a miserably failed affair with a fireman (yes, a fireman...ya-ya, it was hot *eye roll*...too hot actually, with absolutely no lasting flame there), and I learned that while their intentions were well placed (damn road to hell and it's intentions!) it didn't work for me.  AT ALL!  Love and dating, I've decided, are not a game.  It's not a competition, like my tri's where I can, with practice, look forward to a PR and know what to expect out of each event.  Nope.  Dating is more like running an ultra marathon, you can train and train and train for it, and you can log the miles, and practice the nutrition, but just never really know what's going to happen in the end. 

All the rules and advice for dating I got, like don't be too eager to call him, let him call you all the time, keep your options open, or keep things mysterious...all a bunch of BS!  (In my opinion...sorry my well intentioned friends!)  Seriously, all these freaking rules are NOT who I am, and so instead of allowing Mr. Incredible to see the real me at first (when it was probably most important to him), I hid behind the game and it's rules and didn't start to reveal myself until later, when he had already formed a hard opinion about our relationship situation and where he thought it was (or was not) going.  By the time I came around, it was too late. 

I strive to live my life with no fear and no regrets.  Part of the no fear lifestyle, is not being afraid to expose my heart to someone I feel deserves it.  He deserved it.  But regrets...yeah, I think I will always regret the way this experience played out, and I will probably always wonder "what if" with this one.  It maybe wasn't an intense flame at first, but with him it was more of a spark that grew into one of the most wonderful warm snuggle by the fireplace kind of fires that always made you feel safe and protected.  Nothing made me happier sometimes than chillin out on the couch with him and his dog, watching tv and drinking a beer.  Good good times!

Next time I date a guy though, I think I'm gonna shut out all the well intentioned voices and advice from the outside and just do what feels right to me.  Either the guy will click with the real me or not, but no more dating games.  I'm real, I'm raw, I'm honest, and I have a huge ass heart that someday I would like to share with someone who deserves it.  I can be funny, and I can be deep, and I accept everyone for who they are regardless of their past.  I don't judge, I'm insanely loyal and I'm a damn good listener.  I'm a tomboy and a dare devil...I play hard and most of my friends are guys (*shrug*).  I'm sometimes a bit of a romantic and a dreamer too (hey, what girl, even the most tomboy one's, doesn't dream of prince charming and living happily ever after?...I just hope my prince charming has nothing against tattoos or whiskey or tomboy girls who like to ride bikes hard and run even harder).  And no matter what I'm going to search for the bright side in everything.  This is me you can take it or leave it, but if you leave it, please be kind and gentle in the process.

Mr. Incredible, if you're reading this (I doubt it...but if you are, you know who you are)...thanks!  Thanks for being kind and gentle with my heart, and thanks for being an amazing friend.  You taught me so much.  You're going places dude...big huge places (hopefully you get to California eventually!)...and I can't wait to see what the world has in store for you (keep me posted...you know where to find me...and if I'm not home, check the trails :)).  Love ya, ~ K