Monday, January 31, 2011

What's in a Number??

Ok, one might think that a person struggling with a possible eating disorder should not partake in the body fat testing ritual, however the thought of actually having an accurate measure of my current fitness level was too great of a temptation for me to pass up.  Let the pinching, and poking and body marking begin.  Seven green sharpie X's, while standing in front of my best friends (and a co-worker) in my sports bra and bike shorts and being pinched by mid evil lobster claws (humbling experience!), and ten minutes later...I'm a 19.  Who knew??? 

First, let me say this.  After talking with the VTC about our results, we have decided that the term "body fat composition" is negative and misleading.  As active women, we would prefer to call it "body muscle composition" or "muscle mass composition", in which case I would be an 81...81% of my body is made of muscle.  Huh??  Gotta say, sometimes I even impress myself, cuz I hate to be vain, but I'm pretty phucking stoked by this number...however you prefer to refer to it.  I'm just stating that from a very girlie Vardo standpoint, we're going with 81% Body Muscle Composition. 

This little number comes with a lot of blood, sweat, tears and sacrifices.  Sacrifices that I have made over the past several years in my quest to be the perfect well rounded individual.  Perfect mom, perfect athlete, perfect friend, perfect everything...not the least of which is my struggle for a  perfect body.  (Yep, it's all coming back to the giant ED in my life...it's body fat, how can it not?!)  This number, to me is a sort of validation of the blood, sweat, tears and hours of training logged in the pool, on the road, or on the treadmill.  I have to admit, I'm proud of it.  And why shouldn't I be, I worked my ass off for it, but what does it really mean???

For me, I guess it means several things.  First, that less than a fifth of my body is made up of fat (uh, yeah...I can live with that!).  Second, it also means that my body fat composition measures on the low end for an active, athletic healthy female (yep, I can live with that too).  Finally, it means that I'm maybe ok with where I'm at, and that maybe I can stop struggling so much worrying about the 6 pack I'm sure I'm never going to have (aside from the Mich Ultra in my fridge :)).  My body fat is about as low as I should allow it to go, and if I don't rock the 6 pack abs at this point, I'm pretty sure it may never happen.  Maybe my body just isn't built that way...ok, this I can also probably live with. 

Going into this test I was terrified.  I am painfully aware of the mental struggle that I am facing with my ED, and I knew that there was a strong possibility that a part of my brain may not react well to whatever the outcome was going to be.  I just wasn't sure how the results were going to affect me, or my struggle to be a certified skinny bitch.  I debated for a long time whether or not to do it, but again, the opportunity as a weekend warrior (aka - seriously addicted :)) triathlete was too good to pass up.  And, I'm so glad I did it. 

Sure...maybe a person struggling with an ED shouldn't get their muscle mass composition measured (huh, see how I did that??...such a better term in my opinion, much more positive...I'm telling ya, it's gonna catch on :)), however for me, I have to say, it was a giant light bulb moment!  HUGE!!!  Turns out, I think it may be just what I needed at just the right time.  After all, you can't really start a journey if you don't know where you are on the map.  Now, I know where I am, and I'm surprisingly ok with it!!  As a matter of fact, I'm pretty phucking excited by it.  I'm a lean, mean, fighting, running, triathlon machine...all you 35-39 age groupers out there, be afraid, be very afraid!!!  LOL   :)

(Yeah, I know you were worried VTC...I was too, but this is good...really, really good!)

1 comment:

  1. While it is good to know what your numbers currently are, it is also good to know where you don't want to go. I am adding to this for those people who don't know what number is too low for women...anything below 18% "body fat" is too low. Your body will start to pull calcium from your bones (hence deteriorating your bones) and LOTS of problems can arise from this...stress fractures, bone breaks, osteoporosis, etc.

    To everyone out there reading...keep your numbers on the safe side of low :)

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