I don't want to sound cliche, but have you ever just woken up in the morning and felt different? Like there was a great shift in the cosmic universe at some point while you were asleep and the world looks completely different now? Yeah, well...it's kind of like that! (I've had a few of these moments the past couple of months, but this felt like maybe it was the big one...the grand tsunami of cosmic shifts in my universe.)
Hell if I know exactly what happened, or what's different. I can't quite put my finger on it...maybe it's just the New Year settling in around me, but whatever it is, it's a good thing. It feels right!
After surviving two years of absolute personal hell (at times...I had some good shit in there too, and for as crappy as they were, I probably wouldn't trade the past two years if given the opportunity) and saying every New Year's "at least things can't get worse this year", at which point they did!...today feels different. I have no expectations, no intentions and no agenda for 2011. Just complete and honest openness.
I read a great quote the other day (kind of goes along with the one I already posted today...and yes, I like quotes, so what?...life is filled with insightful and deeply meaningful quotes so why not enjoy them and the wisdom they can offer us)..."pure love is the willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return." Taken literally, this of course could apply to a romantic relationship (or any relationship really), but I also think it can apply to life in general. It doesn't have to be pure love for another person specifically. It can just be the giving of pure love to anyone and anything we encounter along the way. (I'm realizing that I have pure love for a lot of things in my life...my son, my ever expanding family, my amazing friends, riding the trails behind Carr Pool on the Green Machine, the feeling at mile 10 of a training run, mile 1 of the run in a triathlon, being out on the water, dogs...)
I think maybe the shift that I'm feeling today is the gates to my soul opening, and the wall of safety I've built around myself to keep me from getting hurt over the years crumbling. A sort of pure love for the world around me?...*shrug* perhaps! I've opened my heart to this new year...completely and honestly wide open...to all people, places and things. Yeah, it makes me vulnerable to getting hurt, but remember I'm a no fear kind of girl. LOL. I think I would rather give myself completely in all that I do, and leave everything on the table, than to say I held back because I was afraid of what might happen. It's 2011 and for the first New Year in a long time, I'm not afraid. :)
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