FAMILY!!!

I took a BIG (we are talking phucking HUGE!) scary step yesterday.  I attended a family Christmas gathering with my long lost family, and you know what?...they are still my family!!!  My heart is bursting today with gratitude and love for all of them.  Most of my relatives (my own dad included) I hadn't seen in almost 15 years, yet being there with them felt a little like coming home from a long trip. 

Walking up to my aunt and uncle's house (beautiful, gorgeous home!) I thought I was going to toss my cookies right there in in their front yard, and I'm sure the look on my face when I walked said all that needed to be said about the extreme fear and apprehension that I was feeling.  I'm not going to lie, there was a part of me that wanted to chicken out and run as fast as I could the opposite direction, but I vowed that I was going to live life with no fear and no regrets going forward, and this too needed to be a part of that process.  I needed to heal, and to do that I had to swallow my pride and regrets and apprehension and fear and walk through the door.  I didn't know what was going to be on the other side, but I had to suck it up, put my big girl panties on and just walk through it.  I'm so glad I did!!!  (Crap, here come the waterworks...sorry!)

I walked through a door, I crossed a line that I never want to come back from, and I found my family.  I found them to be almost exactly as I remember them, just a little older (like me...funny how that happens).  But, most importantly, I found a world of love I forgot had existed.  My little brother even looked at me and called me "sis"...no one has ever called me "sis" and I kind of liked the way it sounded.  (Michael, thank you so much!!!!...you are and amazing man, and I can't wait to get to know you and your beautiful family better....crap, stupid tears!...I hate crying, it's such a girlie thing to do and I'm so NOT girlie.) 

I know I said I was skipping Christmas this year, and I am...but this is pretty much exactly what I meant by the best gifts don't come with gift receipts or batteries.  My Christmas came early this year and Santa delivered in a BIG (again, we are talking phucking HUGE!) way!!!!  Thanks Santa (and Dad, and Pam, and Mike & Jill, and Matt, and Kevin & Chris, and all the Brooks') you rock!!!! 

Merry Christmas to all!!!!  May you all have as much joy and love this Christmas season as I have found!!!