My incredibly spirited young son has been as extremely ADHD as they come for as long as I can remember. Living with a child with ADHD is nothing short of a daily chaotic adventure. It's sometimes (always!) an organizational nightmare. Oh, I've read all the books and articles about how to keep your ADHD child organized. I even posted some of the best one's on the fridge like a fine piece of artwork for easy reference. Guess what?...they look pretty on paper, but try implementing even one organizational routine with a ADHD child. Go ahead, try it...then get back to me and let me know how that worked out. I'm betting, not so good. The ideas make complete sense on paper, but in reality...FAIL!
What someone needs to say is simply that living with an ADHD child is like living with a giant curious toddler or a new puppy. This is by no means an insult, it's purely a fact. They have to be watched at all times, or literally all hell may actually break loose (I've seen it with my own eyes). There is no impulse control switch in their brains that can be turned off. Personal boundaries, and privacy...just not an option. A shut door means nothing to an ADHD child. Knocking is just a suggestion instead of a rule (as if it would make a difference either way), and no matter what happens it's never their fault (in their eyes), and no amount of reasoning or explaining will change their mind. "But MOM, it was an accident"...the famous last words spoken most mornings by my ADHD boy, usually as I pick up the second bowl of cereal that has been flung onto the floor like a top because he was using the spoon as a lever to spin the bowl around and around in circles. Everything takes 3 times as long as normal or necessary when you live with an ADHD child and mornings are usually the worst.
Just this morning, after being tired of running late (the norm for most ADHD families) again yesterday for the 100th time, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had the perfect idea. I would be up and out of the shower before my bundle of energy rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed at 7. Remember the road to hell and it's good intentions? Well, that same road is also an all access express lane on the ADHD turnpike, because children that are so easily distracted are also not good sleepers (AT ALL!!!...my son is 7 and still does not sleep through the night, he never has and probably never will).
The moment I turned the bathroom light on at 6:30, he was up and in the bathroom with me twirling circles while looking at the ceiling while simultaneously opening every drawer in the bathroom. (One benefit of ADHD, the ability to multi task!) "Hi mom...whatcha doing?...I'm hungry...Do I have to do my homework right now?...Can you come see the cool lego thing I made?...Owww, I hit my funny bone on the door...I need a hug...Can I have breakfast now?...What day is today?...Is it a school day?...I'll do my homework tomorrow...Do you think Sponge Bob is funny?...I do...Did you know that next week is my birthday?...I'm at my dad's on my birthday so can I have my presents now?...Yesterday was supposed to be pajama day at school, but you forgot, can I wear pajamas today?...What about snow pants, can I wear snow pants instead of normal pants?...Hey, what's for breakfast?...Can I watch TV?...Will you come downstairs with me, I don't want to be down there alone because I'm scared...Remember Mom, school starts at 8:25, so you better hurry up and get in the shower and get ready because according to my clock it's now 6:49...Can you make me breakfast now?...I have to pee...I accidentally pee'd on the floor".
So much for a few moments of peace and quiet to shower and get the laundry switched and the dishes done before the kid wakes up. Did I mention that ADHD kids are also often high anxiety, and need to have almost constant interaction? Yeah, well they are. At least mine is! He is my constant shadow, where I go he goes. If I am trying to dry my hair in the bathroom, he is climbing on the counter and sink blocking the mirror so that I have to pay complete attention to him and the lego inspired story he is trying to tell me. If I'm trying to get dressed in my bedroom, he's in there with me pulling all the comforters and sheets off my bed (for no reason other than they are there) or digging through my closest for some buried treasure (either a shoe that fascinates him or a dust bunny...because there is nothing too darn exciting for him to find in my closet, but he tries anyway). If I'm trying to make breakfast, he's turning the knobs on the oven on and off and on and off, and playing with the buttons on the microwave and sticking a spoon or a finger or a nose in whatever I'm making....while turning circles and looking at the ceiling (I'm envious of his multi tasking skills).
By the time I got him settled in with a bowl of scrambled eggs and his homework, I was officially late getting into the shower, AGAIN! And even then, the questions do not stop. Washing my hair, I hear his feet on the stairway. "Mom, where are you?...Oww, I stubbed my toe...Can I have a hug?...Mom, where is lego Squidy?...Hey, I have an idea lets listen to the Chipmunks Christmas?...Mom, can I wear my baseball pants and socks to school today?...When can we open my birthday presents, since you won't see me on my birthday?...I need you to help me with my homework...Do we have a pencil sharpener?...Never mind I found one in my backpack." Oh crap, not the backpack!! Please don't touch the backpack...too late!
I've been packing the kids backpack at night before school for as long as I can remember so that he has everything he needs ready to go to get off to a successful start in the morning (and in an attempt to make the morning routine run more smoothly and less hectic). Only, do you know usually happens with said backpack...it gets unpacked in the less than 10 minutes it takes me to shower in the morning or the less than 5 minutes it takes to make breakfast. Most mornings the backpack is packed and repacked a minimum of 3 times, the contents being scattered all over our 1000 sq ft home in less than a minute. Homework and library books end up at opposite ends of the house, and notes from the teacher seem to fall into a mysterious black hole. Often, as I'm repacking the important items, he's taking them out to show me something amazing at the exact same time (usually a rock or silly band that he found on the playground). It's a never ending cycle of packing and unpacking and repacking again some days. Then the most amazing thing happens, for as excited as he is to continue to unpack it and dig through the darn thing at home, for some reason it never seems to get unpacked at school So the homework that should have been turned in yesterday, or today, or even last week, sits there in one of his many Friday folders waiting patiently to be turned in.
Twenty minutes later (the approximate time it took me to shower, get dressed, and brush my teeth) I emerge from the bathroom and it looks like an F5 tornado has hit my living room. There are pajama's in the middle of the floor, legos scattered over every table surface, homework has been turned into a paper airplane and an origami Yoda, and the basket of clean laundry waiting patiently for me to fold it has been tipped over and the contents (like the backpack) scattered all over the house. The kid is at least dressed (in his baseball uniform...I decide to say nothing, I'm too tired already to battle it today), and his homework is done (just very creatively folded...good thing the teacher has a sense of humor). Now we just need to find the shoes, pack my lunch, switch loads of laundry, dry my hair and get out the door. OMG, we may actually make it on time today...maybe...
The shoes, oh shit...where the hell are the shoes?!?! The shoes that were laid right by the door last night for easy access when it's time to go in the morning...yep, no where to be found. Sometime between breakfast and my shower, the kids shoes have become flying spaceships for his Star Wars characters and are now somewhere between the door, the bathroom, his room, my room, the living room or the kitchen. Neither one of us really knows where they went for sure, and unlike the remote for the TV they don't have a handy dandy "locate" button, so the hunt is on, like always at the very last minute of the morning to find a matching pair of shoes. Ten minutes later, I hear JP yell "found them"...GREAT, now hurry up put them on your feet (instead of your hands!) and get in the car, because school starts in 5 minutes and we're officially late, AGAIN! UGH!
I read somewhere once that having a child with ADHD makes the parent ADHD by proxy. It must be true because I'm halfway to work before I realize that in the chaos of the morning, I've left my lunch and phone at home. Good grief!! And so, it's back to the drawing board I go. I'm determined to figure out a way to master these mornings, however, for as chaotic as they are, I wouldn't trade them for the world.
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